Q: If all the Teddy Ruxpins in the world revolted and tried to take over, could Manny Pacquiao stop them? -- Tim H
A: No. Simply No. Eventually Manny Paq's fists would be worn down by the cassette tape players. But I like this concept for a movie. Perhaps... iRobot 2 starring Manny Pacquiao in the Will Smith role battling all the Teddy Ruxpins.
Q: If you crossed Teddy Ruxpin with Manny Pacquiao, would you get an evil genius teddy bear with phenomenal boxing skill who would proceed to take over the world and make everyone read him bedtime stories, or would you get Chewbacca? -- Tim H
A: I would hope for the first option.
Q: WHY do you use so many ellipses?! -- my girlfriend
A: I think it gives the reader...the most accurate pacing for what it would be like...to sit through a real conversation with me. If it bothers you, stop trying to read so fast and just enjoy my company.
Q: what would be the best way to let everyone know that I'm pregnant? (FYI-- I'm not yet as of now but this is for future references.) -- Yufu
A: I would want you to give me an STD...you know a "save the date"...just like you mailed me one for your wedding. BUT I think I'd also appreciate a phone call with you proclaiming "I Did It!" or a text with a composite photo of you and your wife just to preview your super-race babies.
Q: what is the best way to cope with the recent onset of heat waves across the United States of America? -- Yufu
A: Buy tons of ice cream, dump them in an empty room, and swim in your new ice cream pool like Scrooge McDuck would swim in golden coins. It would probably ruffle less tailfeathers than gold. How did he do that anyway? Also, you should remove all the clothing than you possibly can without crossing any legal or moral boundaries...see Friday Friendzone Summer Edition for what may or may not be acceptable summer attire.
Q: besides abstinence and other man-made devices, what are some of the best "natural" or "holistic" way to minimize the risk of unwanted pregnancy? Note-- the use of the Gregorian calendar doesn't count as an alternative approach. --Yufu
A: Are you just trying to get me to advocate belly-button sex? I won't take your bait.
Q: if you had to be stuck on an island and reconstitute the human race with someone, would you rather choose Oprah Winfrey, Whoopi Goldberg, or Queen Latifah? -- Yufu
A: Oprah's on my all-Anti-Christ Team so that rules her out. Plus, a name like Goldberg imposes a fear upon me that my male offspring will need to undergo painful foreskin removal procedures. Also, Whoopi has no eyebrows...we would look ridiculous next to each other due to eyebrow thickness disparity. What if eyebrow thickness is a highly evolved trait that Whoopi would just dilute for my potentially new human race? By default, I must say Queen Latifah...does that mean I would become a royal?
Q: so I've been doing a ton of sanding recently, and I'm kind of near the end of having semi-clean but always colorful underwear to put on. Which would you recommend-- forego underwear entirely, flip them inside out, or just find some paper bag or cling wrap to put on until laundry is done? -- Yufu
A: Flipping is less than optimal. Paper bag will probably lead to chafing. I say forego it.
Q: Also... My phone doesn't seem to like it when I type "Yufu"... It keeps autocorrecting to "Yugu"... Which sounds and looks totally stupid... Why does my phone do that...? (That's another Millbox question there...)... -- Yufu
A: The answer is quite simple. Your phone is racist and wants you to take on a slave name like "Michael." But fight the power, Yufu. Don't let the man and his autocorrect hold you down.
Q: With regards to your recent mentioning of a certain man's private part getting cut off by one angry wife in California, what "state" should the private part be at in order to yield a good, clean cut? ("State" is not in reference to geography, but rather it is to vasoconstriction and/or vasodilation.) - Anonymous
A: If it's all about a good clean cut, I'd probably say erect is the preferred state. But I would hope that if one was having their penis sawed off, he would not have an erection at the same time. Too strange...and perhaps too vulgar to go into further detail on this blog.
Thanks for all the questions...peace out, homies.
A: If it's all about a good clean cut, I'd probably say erect is the preferred state. But I would hope that if one was having their penis sawed off, he would not have an erection at the same time. Too strange...and perhaps too vulgar to go into further detail on this blog.
Thanks for all the questions...peace out, homies.
3 comments:
My takeaway from this: girls need to ask more Millbox questions.
If you could be someone else for a day (ala The Change-Up movie with Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds), who would you be? (Person must be alive on Earth so don't try to be holy and say "Jesus.")
Which superhero (from any comic or cartoon) do you think could defeat Jean Grey from X-men (pre-Phoenix but post-being able to harness her powers)?
Um there are PLENTY who could defeat her. There are even plenty of mutants who could defeat here.
Silly Umami
http://umamisf.com/
silly bearded man! she's more powerful than professor x... o.o
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