This week we begin a 2-part series called Battle of the Sexes with an all-male panel responding to questions about the female kind...and next week we'll hear what females have to say about the guys! Man...I can just feel the testosterone already....
Scott: It's one of those things that really separates the female condition from the male experience--hormonal chaos in a monthly ritual of biological entrapment. I will never understand what it feels like to have an egg pass through my body and be sucked into a tampon in one bloody reminder of reproductive potentiality. So on the one hand, I do sympathize with women for the burden their bodies place on them. But on the other hand, I think there's few things in life more annoying and useless than trying to reason with a female in the middle of a mood swing.
Joses: PMS stands for Perpetual Menstrual Syndrome, contrary to a widespread and erroneous belief that the 'P' stands for 'pre'. In essence it refers to the state of being where one's emotions contradict facial expression, and where every word uttered is fraught with double meanings and hidden agendas. Note that this afflicts members of either gender.
(Y)MC: I think that's basically just like a few days of ridiculous hysteria and massive emotional instability that precedes the shedding of uterine lining in women. This occurs on a monthly basis and is typically synchronized to the waning and waxing of the moon. But to be honest, I don't really know. My wife can definitely more accurate and professional insights into this subject matter.
Jimmy: There is an imbalance of hormones because she was waiting to find out whether or not the stork was going to come visit later. She finds out that the stork isn't coming to visit, and the extra hormones she had for the potential stork visit screws her up. Or some lame excuse like that, anyway.
Rob: Psychotic Mood Swings. Shortly followed by Potential Murder Suspect.
2. Is it true that girls are more mature than guys?
Scott: You know how girls peak at their early twenties, but guys can reach their peak much later in life? For example, 40s Brad Pitt and George Clooney are way more dashing than their younger versions. You know why that is? It's physiologic irony due to the arrogance girls have in thinking they're more mature than guys: because they think they're so mature, girls' bodies age faster and their looks accordingly degrade at a rate directly proportional to their pretentiousness.Joses: No. Although guys tend to be cheesier, a sign of the prolonged adolescence of our time. The real question is, whose cheesiness is more mature? That depends primarily what temperature you leave your cheesiness in.
(Y)MC: Assuming that age(male) = age(female), I suppose it is generally accepted that maturity(female) > maturity(male). But I'd like to emphasize an important point: maturity isn't necessarily a desirable characteristic (especially if your target audience is really, really young). Immaturity is the new sexiness, no?
Jimmy: I'm going to hear from this because of my occasional behavioral choices, but I think NO, girls are not more mature than guys. I think that the society defines maturity as acting mature, or, more often, not acting immature. I define maturity by the ability to react to any given situation (especially a difficult/adverse situation). In my experience, at the same age group, guys are much better at dealing with tough situations than girls. Sorry ladies (or maybe I've just hung out with extra manly men in my life.)
Rob: Immaturity can present itself in many ways, but what grabs our attention is the loud & obnoxious kind. There could be just as many immature girls, they're just not as easy to spot. What is certain is this: a person's maturity doesn't necessarily increase with age.
3. Is it okay for a girl to "wear the pants" in the relationship?
Scott: It's ok for girls to offer solutions and best practices, what the guy should do is know when to defer to the knowledge of his female partner and when to trust his own decisions. I think that's what male leadership should mean--humility to follow the counsel of others when appropriate. Also, I know that some girls like to wear pants to show off their butts because they're superficial like that, but skirts are way cuter. I love those T-Mobile 4G commercials with the girl in the pink dresses... she's adorable!!! Joses: In a relationship, you've gotta give her a reason to wear the dress. Like it was worn by Kate Middleton, or if it was designed by Vera Wang. Or like, she just looks great wearing that dress (That line usually works).
Although, if you're a male slave of the Amazons, you don't really have a choice. Just suck it up like a man, bro.
(Y)MC: Yes, I think it's okay for a girl to "wear the pants," but I try to make sure that I wear it more often than she does. But honestly, I think this whole pants-wearing thing should be equal opportunity amongst the two people in the relationship.
Jimmy: I believe that a girl can wear "some" pants, but I not "the" pants. I grew up in a household with a very manly (John Wayne-ish) father, but also a very confident, outspoken mother. For a man to lead doesn't require a woman to change who she is and blindly follow her male counterpart. It means the guy MANS UP and leads, and the girl accepts that leadership. This puts the pressure on the men to be good leaders and make good decisions (it's easy to be led by a good leader. Men...Man up).
Rob: I find confidence in a woman very attractive, but the negative connotation commonly associated with this phrase makes me think of a controlling, insecure micro manager, which is . . . not attractive. A man needs to be a man.
4. Finish this statement: I hate it when girls....
Scott: Play mind games. Don't lie to me, I know you do it, and I know you teach each other how to do it. It's so repugnant to use such psychological tricks to manipulate unsuspecting, oblivious guys who are desperate for affection and thus will read into everything a cute girl does toward him. They do it without even knowing they're doing it--making flirtatious jokes with a guy friend isn't friendship, it's irresponsible. Joses: step out of the house with wet hair. Freshly washed hair does smell nice but doesn't look great. Start early - give yourself time to blow/towel dry your crowning glory.
(Y)MC: get together and talk about stupid TV shows like Sex in the City and Lipstick Jungle (the latter of which I once watched religiously). I also hate it when girls talk about "oh my boyfriend did this..." or "ya my husband did that." SHUT YOUR FACE, WOMEN. And those guys need to stop being such over-achievers and making the rest of us look bad. Doesn't anyone honor the Bro Code these days?
Jimmy: Point out when they think they look unattractive in pictures. For several reasons. 1- They're often WRONG. 2- Not everyone is photogenic ALL the time (well...maybe Joses). 3- Voicing a possible insecurity can often make you more insecure. Come on, ladies, you're better (and better looking) than that.
Rob: ... are not authentic. ... lack understanding/perspective. ... are consumed with gossip. ... flake out.
5. Finish this statement: I love it when girls....
Scott: Are into "guy stuff." Sports, comic books, red meat and fast food, sci-fi movies and video games. Not only does it mean that the girl has really good taste, but to me it's a mark of independence and a care-free spirit for a girl to be into things that aren't considered very appropriate for her. I know "Smallville" is a mediocre TV show, but when a girl wants to watch the same crappy thing I do out of pure dork intentions, that's pretty sexy. In a non-sexy kind of way, I suppose.
Joses: Smile.
(Y)MC: I love it when girls stay in the kitchen and cook delicious yet refined food. I also love it when girls nurture their skills in being or becoming a good, solid, and reliable domestic engineer -- responsibilities include, but are not limited to: cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, grocery shopping, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, taking out the trash, checking my children's homework, packing lunches, organizing carpools, writing thank-you notes, wrapping gifts, origami, etc.
Jimmy: Look attractive while dressing modestly. It can show class, good decision making, and a confidence that they don't have to dress a certain way to get attention (...unless they're trying to get my attention).
Rob: ... are comfortable in their own skin. ... are good listeners. ... have clear and passionate goals. ... have a confident, humble beauty about them.
About the Panelists:
