7/29 Friday Friendzone: End-of-Life Edition

This week's topic is a bit morbid, but incredibly thought-provoking.  It was so intriguing that I have invite 8 of my friends into my friendzone this week AND...for the first time ever, I will also include my answers to the questions!  So without further ado, here we go:


1. What age would you like to live until? Why?
Scottyi: Until tomorrow. Jk, but only slightly. I think the only wish I have concerning the timing of my death is that I'd like it to be after my parents pass away. I think losing your child has to be the worst kind of suffering. Other than that... whatevs. I'm a believer in Philippians 1:23. Miller, if it does happen soon, you can have my rice cooker.
Lily: 90 or so.  But I want to be one of the 'young old,' not the 'old old.'  Those are actual terms in development psychology classes!
Georgea: If I had to choose...If I have kids, I'd rather die older - at least old enough to see grandkids 'cause it'll be fun to see how two generations down are.  If not, no preference - whenever my work is done.
thetotoromonster: old enough so that it's not "a pity" that i died (at least 50-60?). my parents invested so many resources into me while i was growing up; now, i want to make the most of their investment and die after i have done something useful in my life!!
Joses: 64. That means I will die in the year 2046. Which happens to be a good film.
Annamelon: 91.  I actually don't wanna live that long, but I feel like I'm limiting my potential if I were to say I wanna die in my 80s, although I really think 87 sounds like a good age.  But really, I think it'd be fun to know my great-grandkiddos :)
Jimmy: 90s.  I want to be active throughout my life, so I can still be able to contribute to people mentally and emotionally in my final years. Also, It would be cool to hang out with my Great-Grandchildren.  Plus, I would totally love to play "old guy" a lot (pretend to forget things, wander into places and act confused.  Who said old age isn't fun?).
Angrygirl: What a morbid question. Honestly, I'm still getting over turning 23, which seems pretty old.
Miller: 75. It gives me enough time to probably see at least one grandchild even if my granddaughter or grandson's wife chooses to be a career woman.  Not sure if senior discounts kick in at 65 or 70, but 5-10 years of doing things cheaply sounds good enough.

2. What would be your preferred cause of death? Why?
Scottyi: Mortally wounded while rescuing sex slaves from a unit of fully armed traffickers, with enough evidence gathered after my demise to eventually lead to the toppling of a trafficking empire.
Lily: I wish to die in battle.  For honor!
Georgea: Not anything sudden (like a heart attack, car crash, murder etc.); something my family could come to terms with gradually?  But it's not up to me, right?
thetotoromonster: in my sleep because it sounds peaceful. unfortunately, it's not so peaceful for the people who find me!!! >:D wow, especially if i live alone and it takes a few days to find my rotting body. gross.
Joses: Gunshot to the hippocampus. Death is instant and painless. Since that would mean that someone will have to commit murder, or that I will have to commit suicide, I'll settle for dying in my sleep.
Annamelon: Saving a small child from an oncoming bus.  Useful & instantaneous.
Jimmy: Ideally...I'm single (not my whole life) and decently fit when the end comes.  I would get some sort of disease that wouldn't be treatable.  I'd hitch a ride out to the rockies, and just head into the mountains and wander until it's my time.
Angrygirl: Isn't everybody just going to say "in my sleep, because it's painless"? A small part of me wonders if I'd want to die in a meaningful way (i.e., somehow bring attention to Christianity) but a larger part of me fears what that could look like.
Miller: Executed for being a Christian....but honestly, I'm holding out for the rapture....so I'd like my obituary to say I "mysteriously vanished" and my clothing fell into a nice neat pile.

3. If money were no object, what would you want your last meal to be?
Scottyi: When I was a kid, there were a couple pharmacies that used to sell these pieces of gum shaped like bright rocks. They were packed in miniature milk cartons, and you'd open the cartons and shake the gum into your mouth. I once went online to try to find what the candy was called, but I never could. It'd be nice to have that again. Also, a dozen carnival elephant ears.
Lily: Some famous person was once asked what he would do if he knew it was his last day on earth.  He said I would work in my garden.  I think I'd do the same; therefore, I want my last meal to be a salad.
Georgea: The real mama kim's (my mama) cooking.  Something that involves kimchi.
thetotoromonster: well, then... this would be really strange because it would mean that i would be able to anticipate the hour of my death, like Jesus (who could also anticipate his resurrection - what foresight!)!  i don't know.  i think this question doesn't make sense in my head because i'm not Christ-like enough in the area of foresight-of-hour-of-death.
Joses: 10 course Chinese wedding dinner.
Annamelon: Appetizer of fried calamari.  Main entree(s) would consist of pad thai w/ extra peanuts, legit Mexican tacos al pastor, sushi (maybe some spider rolls or dragon rolls), and eggplant parmesan.  Dessert would start with tiramisu cheesecake and end with some juicy, plump red mangoes.  Oh, and this would all be accompanied by some mango mojitos b/c I love alcoholic drinks that taste like fruity toothpaste.
Jimmy: Seafood feast.  Since my fish allergy has progressed over time, I haven't eaten seafood in 11 years.  Lobster, Crab Cakes, peel-and-eat Shrimp, Clam Chowder.  YES.
Angrygirl: I guess I'd want to eat things I grew up with-- a bowl of white rice, my mom's tomato ox-tail soup, bowl of nikujaga (Japanese dish w/ carrots, potatoes, and beef), and a bowl of fruit (specifically raspberries, blackberries, mangoes, nectarines, pineapples, and watermelon). Drink would be some unsweetened iced tea.
Miller: I'm gonna hafta say Brazilian BBQ in Mainland China...to ensure that it would have Peking Duck and meats that white men do not touch.

4. Assuming that you're married, would you rather outlive your spouse or your spouse outlive you? 
Scottyi: My wife should definitely be the first to go. I'd be strong enough and courageous enough to make peace with my loss in the twilight of my years, but for my lover, she'd be so incredibly distraught at my passing that she'd lose the will to live, unable to cease from her grieving and instead becoming a real life Miss Havisham. (One of the few literary references I know you know, Miller)
Lily: I guess I'd rather my spouse outlived me... but that would be difficult since I'm very healthy and probably going to live for so long.
Georgea: Depends.  If I die young, be outlived; if I die old, outlive.
thetotoromonster: i would rather outlive my spouse so i can be bear the burden of grieving and so i can take care of him until the very end.  also, i love telling stories! if i outlive my spouse, he can count on his remembrance via my story-telling abilities!
Joses: Outlive me? I thought my wife gets interred with me in my pyramid, along with my children, cats, and those who read this blog.
Annamelon: Selfishly, I would want my spouse to outlive me.  I'm pretty needy and probably wouldn't know how to get by without him.
Jimmy: Outlive my spouse.  I would rather I go through the pain of that loss instead of her.
Angrygirl: If I'm being selfish, I would want my spouse to outlive me. HOWEVER, if my spouse is someone who seems really helpless on his own (e.g., can't take care of finances, can't cook for beans, can't take loneliness) then.. it might be comforting to outlive him if only because I'd know he didn't die in pathetic circumstances. If I felt lonely I could go buy a dog/cat, or bother my kids/grandkids, and in general be a sassy old person who doesn't take attitude from anybody.
Miller: Hmmm...I think if I outlived my wife, I'd be a wreck and be totally nonfunctional for at least a year.  So, while I wish I could say the opposite, I'd rather my wife outlive me.  Plus, I absolutely cannot stand eating alone.  It drives me crazy, I just can't eat.

5. What do you want on your tombstone (not pizza)?
Scottyi: I want to be cremated, and while everyone is enjoying the truffle carpaccio hor d'oeurvres at my wake, a video will play of me posthumously telling everyone that they've been punked, as there's nothing in the urn since my ashes were mixed into the truffle sauce. If I had to have a tombstone for the purposes of this question, I'd want my tombstone to be a marble statue of an astronaut wrestling a giant space squid, and underneath it says, "Here lies Scottyi, Hero of the 2nd Moon Monster Wars."
Lily: Definitely T. S. Eliot.  The greatest writer of our age.

We shall not cease from explorationAnd the end of all our exploringWill be to arrive where we startedAnd know the place for the first time.A condition of complete simplicity(Costing not less than everything)And all shall be well andAll manner of thing shall be wellWhen the tongues of flame are in-foldedInto the crowned knot of fireAnd the fire and the rose are one.

Georgea:  I don't know if I want to be buried.  Cremation?
thetotoromonster: i want it to be prominent so that my descendants will never forget where i'm buried!! i never knew how my mom remembered where my great-aunt was buried.  i haven't really thought far enough to decide what's on my tombstone.  i'll probably pull a J.K. Rowling and have a well-chosen Bible verse.  kinda makes me sad to think about it, but now it's on my to-do list (just in case).
Joses: My sarcophagus in my pyramid should have hieroglyphics around it depicting my various achievements, like when I completed Sonic the Hedgehog II.
Annamelon: I haven't decided if I want a tombstone.  I would like to be cremated and spend as little money on my funeral as possible, since really, it seems like it'd make more sense to spend money on other people who are still living.  But I guess a small tombstone would be nice so that loved ones could visit it?  If I actually did have a tombstone, maybe something to the effect of "Beloved child of God"
Jimmy: "Loving Son, Brother, Husband, Father, and Friend.  Loved by God." or "He lived, he loved, he dominated."
Angrygirl: I haven't done anything amazing (yet?) to warrant a shoutout on my tombstone. I guess I'd want to highlight my family and that I was (hopefully) a faithful believer. On my Tombstone brand pizza I would like pepperoni, mushrooms, and peppers, please.
Miller: "Shared the Gos-pel like it was Gos-sip"....okay maybe not that.  I prefer something like "Miller passionately believed that there was nothing more important in life than to follow God and help others follow God."

It's a good thing I probably won't be remembered most for blogging, otherwise my tombstone might read: "Miller outlived 50 different blogs that he could only maintain for a few weeks at a time.  His greatest blog, the Daily Millings, died on 7/29/2011 after a great two month run."  Yes, that last line is for real.  The Daily Millings are now dead.  All donations should be made out to the Mormon YouTube Channel and ChristianMingle.com.  Feel free to give a eulogy in the comments section below.

About the Panelists: If you strike Scottyi down, he shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. His website is www.sacredraisincakes.com. / Lily is an INTJ who prefers the library to every other building on campus.  She likes puzzles, classical music, and chess.  Her favorite thing to do online is stalk people on facebook and fill out her google calendar. / Georgea is a student at Brown. / thetotoromonster - is she prepared for heaven and death? we'll let God decide. *dun dun dun* / Joses turns 27 very soon. He tweets at www.twitter.com/jacuzzijo. / Annamelon wants her funeral to be a big party where everyone wears bright colors, eats great food, laughs gregariously, and celebrates how awesome Jesus is, because she's gonna be upstairs kickin' it with the Big Guy. / Jimmy believes in life after love, and love after life. (and is still on his road trip) / Angrygirl laments the death of Daily Millings. / Miller totally thought this would be the most clever way to announce the death of the Daily Millings.  He would like to thank all his loyal readers for their support 2 months out of every 3 years!!!

Tombstone of the Daily Millings: "Some say life is a marathon...BUT a sprint is almost always more entertaining."

7/8 Friday Friendzone: Physical Fitness Edition

1. How often do you exercise? Be Honest!

Shhhh...I hide in Scottyi's mancave.

CSJ: I exercise maybe once a week, but it is usually offset by subsequent unnecessary overeating and powerade binges. 
Lily: Every other day for about 40 minutes + cooldown.  I run a leisurely 4 miles.  Not like last semester when I also did stairs (up to the 7th story) and pushups AND situps.  What happened to me??
Scottyi: Twice a week in my man cave.  And it's a real man cave too, none of that high def entertainment system baloney, it's down in my moldy basement in the boiler room, looking like a hideaway for trolls.  I have a poster of a t-rex.
Annamelon: During the school year, I usually go to the gym 2-3x a week.  Sometimes, 4x.
Joses: I cycle uphill to my lab every week day. About 2 minutes of intense peddling.

2. What's your favorite type of exercise or workout?

CSJ: I love playing basketball on a lowered hoop. There's nothing like reliving the days of real-life NBA Jam with everyone having Scottie Pippen-like stats.

Lily: Running.  Outside only.  I feel bad that I'm paying for that big college gym to be there and not using it, but I hate treadmills and swimming is a pain.
Scottyi: My main routine is bench press, shoulder press, pull ups, and sit ups.  I don't get as much cardio in as I'd like, but when I do my favorite workout would be a game of basketball.  It's not as monotonous as running / biking, and I love that feeling of being bathed in my own sweat, unable to walk with sore legs and huge blisters on my feet.  Trash-talking people bigger than me is also a good time.
Annamelon: Swimming, for sure, although I rarely do since the Brown pool has super random hours.  I usually default to the elliptical. 
Joses: Like all good Chinese men, we follow Bruce Lee's workout regime.
Bruce Lee's "Lethal Physique" Bodybuilding Program (performed on Tues, Thurs and Sat):
Exercise                        Sets       Repetitions
Clean & Press                 2               8
Squats                          2              12
Pullovers    2              8
Bench Presses                2               6
Good Mornings               2               8
Barbell Curls                  2               8

Apparently Bruce did his good mornings with 125 Lbs on the bar. That's what you gotta do to kick Chuck Norris' butt.

3. How will you know when you've reached your desired level of physical fitness?
CSJ: When my clothes rip when I flex, not when I bend over
Lily: I'm happy with where I'm at right now, but I do have a small goal.  I want somewhat toned arms.  Not like, unfeminine, but just a slight bicep when I flex, y'know?
Scottyi: When women stop rejecting me.
Annamelon: When I've got a six-pack (or just rock-hard abs), sexy shins (I have traumatic experiences with shin splints) & enviable calf muscles (sometimes I really wonder if maybe I'm just missing my gastrocnemius or soleus muscles).  Really though, I don't really think I'm in danger of ever "arriving" at my ideal physical fitness - so I shall continue to strive to run a bit further/longer and lift heavier things.
Joses: When just eating one more calorie a day causes my side-abs to disappear under a microlayer of fat.

4. On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being extremely important and 1 being not important at all): To you, how important is the physical fitness of your significant other?
CSJ: 6. It's nice to have a partner when playing sports. Also if she's physically fit, she will most likely live longer. Thus, we can spend more time eating unhealthy, yet delicious food.
Lily: 10.  That doesn't mean the person needs to exercise at a level of ten, it just means that SOME level of fitness, even running 20 minutes 3x a week is VERY important.  I actually don't find super built guys attractive...

Scottyi: To you, how important is the physical fitness of your significant other?

I don't care how often they exercise, as long as they exercise humility.  Oh snap!  Yeah that's right, I turned this question into another opportunity to rant about the double standards of post-feminism.  I bet you twenty bucks that more guys are willing to date below their physical standard, while more women are likely to answer "BOTH" to the question of brains or brawn.  That's because girls have the freedom to choose... while guys have the freedom to initiate awkward conversations asking if you'll date me. 
Annamelon: 7.  I am the first one to admit that I love food - especially food that is "unhealthy," but I try to practice moderation because I think we need to be responsible with the bodies God gave us.  Aside from the principle of stewardship, I would be angry if my hubby died or was incapacitated at age 50 because of conditions he could have avoided - by eating/drinking in moderation, exercising regularly, not smoking, etc.
Joses: I'd have to go with a 4. As long as she can keep up with me and enjoy herself in physical activity.... like a pick-up sport. But she can't be so unfit she can't water 10 camels.
(If you're not familiar with the account of Rebecca in the Jewish Scriptures... Rebecca fills the trough for the camels of Isaac's servant by the well. A camel can drink 30 - 50 gallons of water. 10 camels would drink at least 300 gallons. Which weighs 1140 kg, or 2500 lbs. So Rebecca carried, back-and-forth from the well, the equivalent of 16 grown men, or 1 normal-sized cow. That's pretty fit.) Ref: Genesis 24

5. If you could get a transplant of any body part from another (real) living human being, what would it be and from who?
CSJ: Nadal's arms. But I'd feel like Goro having 4 unequally-sized arms.
Lily: I LIKE MYSELF THE WAY I AM
Scottyi: I like me.  I think we shouldn't let commercial standards of beauty rob us of our God-given dignity and value.  But if I HAD to choose for the sake of this  question, I suppose it would be nice to replace my Asian liver with one that wasn't deficient in ALDH2 enzymes.  I look like Hellboy after 3 drinks. 
Annamelon: I would take Elaine Tran's calves.  My first thought went to Miller or Hando (Ryan Handoko) for their enviable calves, but they're a bit too bulky and manly for me.  E-tran has (or at least from what I remember when we used to see each other regularly) amazingly toned and well-defined calves.
Joses: For the sake of this question, I'm going to pick something neither my genes nor my willpower can bestow upon me. I'd like, at least, to be able to grow more facial hair. I'm gonna go with Takeshi Kaneshiro -  Kinda reminds me of Johnny Depp.

About the Panelists: CSJ spends his free time striking comets and writing about things for humor's sake. He also enjoys Sunset Cantina and long walks on Beach St. near Hing Shing Pastry. / Lily is an INTJ who prefers the library to every other building on campus.  I like puzzles, classical music, and chess.  My favorite thing to do online is stalk people on facebook and fill out my google calendar. / Scottyi once dated girl taller than him, so how's that for not being superficial?! His website is www.sacredraisincakes.com  / Annamelon is currently sick for the third time in two weeks.  Forget being fit, she just wants to be healthy. / Joses Ho remembers a time when being pale and overweight was a symbol of one's aristocratic wealth and means, which meant you never had a shortage of dames who would fancy having dinner with you, but being tan, lean, and muscular doomed you to never getting a date. Good times.

6/24 Friday Friendzone: Summer Edition

Welcome back to the Friendzone, the most must-read segment on this blog!  This week marked the first official week of summer...so I got some of my friends together to ask them about what they think of summer.


1. Is summer the best season?
Scottyi: I feel pretty bad for those spoiled people who can't appreciate all 4 seasons... it means that they're depressed for 3/6/9 months out of the year. I love the breeze in autumn, the harsh fury of winter snowstorms, the beautiful week of tree blossoms in spring, and the warm rain of summer. It's all special and we must thank our Creator for every precious moment of His glorious creation. Also, I like summer because I look awesome in wife beaters.
Angrygirl: Duh. Watermelon, peaches, nectarines, pineapple, strawberries all in season. On the East Coast, people naturally gravitate outside and become social, hanging out at free events or farmers' markets. On the West Coast, it's the best time to go to the beach or jump in a friend's pool. And on a certain day in the summer I also get cake and candles.
(Y)MC: Summer is sometimes the best season, except when the weather gets to be too hot to wear even just shorts and a thin t-shirt. But I'll take summer over snow...any day!
Lily: Nope and I've never understood why so many people like it. It's the worst because you have to work a summer job and it's really hot.  Doing homework is more fun than entry-level jobs, and way more of your friends are around during the school year.  Also the sun hates people because it glares at them with its burning eye like Sauron.
Joses: Caveat - I grew up in the tropics, which is either summer all year long, or no summer at all, depending on the way you see things. I personally have an affinity for winter. There's something bracing about the cold and the dark that gets me more pensive (and intellectually more productive) than the summer. In my experience, the freedom offered by summer fools me into thinking I can get more done in those months - more reading, more thinking, more partying, more shopping etc. That's just not true.

2. What is the best summer song of all time?
Scottyi: 90s West Coast rap songs--windows down, subwoofer turned all the way up. Feeling so pimp. If you want something low key, Dr. Dre's "Nuthin' But a 'G' Thang" is perfect for driving down the road at sunset. Coolio's "Fantastic Voyage" hits the sweet spot when you're on your way to a party.
Angrygirl: Surfaris -- Wipeout
(Y)MC: Two great summer songs: Bananarama - Cruel Summer and DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - Summertime. I would've included that LFO song about Chinese food and Abercrombie. But since you (Miller) alluded to it in an earlier post, I don't want to take anything away from your credibility as a blogger and diminish your earnings from blogging.
Lily: Is this like, music you listen to on the radio?  I don't know any summer songs but recently I've been feeling the soundtrack to Wicked...
Joses: Two songs come to mind (It's summer, I'm allowed two instead of just one tune.)
Summer of '69 - Bryan Adams: Why does summer inevitably equate to long-lost youth, first loves, and (ultimately) sheer happiness? It's thanks to the perfect piece of rock Bryan Adams composed in the 80s. Ironically, this song makes us nostalgic not for the late 60s, but for the 80s.
Stereo Love - Vika Jigulina and Edward Maya: This track wafts over the shore like a warm sea breeze, caressing your hair as you snooze again on the deck chair. Ed and Vika have bottled summer up in here.

3. What is the most must-see movie of the summer?
Scottyi: I hated the first two Fast & Furious movies, but ever since Justin Lin took it over it's become cinematic brilliance. "Fast 5" was the best entry in the series, which is probably the first time you could say that about a part 5. The cool thing about the franchise is that it's both retrogressive and progressive: retro because it harkens back to the old school action movies of musclebound machismo with codes of honor, but progressive because these movies are "post-racial." The cast is culturally diverse, and while enemies are often from different ethnic backgrounds, no one ever succumbs to racial slurs. Out of the entire 10-man crew in "Fast 5," Paul Walker is the only white guy...! That's amazing.
Angrygirl: Duh. HARRY POTTER LAST MOVIE EVER :((((((
or, Glee Live! 3D! (yes those exclamations are part of the title). Just kidding, Glee sucks and jumped the shark a long time ago.
(Y)MC: Summer blockbusters... My favorites are "I Know What You Did Last Summer" (1997), "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer" (1998), "I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer" (2006, straight to video release), and the forthcoming "I'll Always Forever and Ever Know What You Did Last Summer as well as What You'll Do Next Summer" (2012?).
Lily: HARRY FRICKIN POTTER
Joses: I'll give four answers to the four different ways you can read this question.
a. Best movie to be ever released in the summer blockbuster season - Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight.
b. Best movie released in this current summer blockbuster season - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II. It's the end of an era.
c. Best movie about summer - A close friend of mine recommends Across The Universe.
d. Best movie(s) to watch during summer - Lord of The Rings Extended Trilogy. When else are you gonna find the time?!

4. Do you think tanning enhances or depreciates physical appearance?
Scottyi: I'm not attracted to the tanned look. It looks like girls are trying too hard. And then there's the tanning that goes so overboard that their skin literally looks orange--they look like giant oompa-loompas. Gross, ladies. Have fun with your skin cancer.
Angrygirl: My mom brainwashed me to forever associate tanning with skin cancer. I might've thought she was overreacting if it hadn't been for the teen girly magazines that also said similar things with scary sounding words like "melanoma." As a result I apply sunscreen regularly (although I tend to forget my arms, so my arms are perpetually darker than my face). Now the choice is between being tan/possibly-seriously-sick vs. pale/looking-sickly. It's a tough life.
(Y)MC: Tanning never made sense to me. Yes, you end up looking darker... but at the expense of increasing your risk of getting skin cancer/melanoma? Completely not worth it. You can do your future generation(s) a huge favor though by combining your genes with those of a person with a darker skin complexion, e.g. Asians, Africans, Hispanic/Herspanic people, etc. (White person, please note.)
Lily: I wish we were back in the 1800s when not tanned skin was more in!  It's so much healthier for people not to tan!
Joses: I think most people would agree having a tan, that wasn't obtained through tanning lotion or lying in front of light bulbs, is physically attractive. But you have to balance that with the risk of skin cancer. So the best way to get a tan is through hereditary means - have a mother and a father who both have naturally darker skin. Which, unfortunately, is beyond your means now.....

5. Summer Fling: Good or Bad Idea?
Scottyi: Summer's the best time to set up really great date ideas (campfire, walks on the beach, lying on your roof staring at the stars). But it's also the time when people are in very fragile transitional periods--people are getting ready to move, or on vacation, or on temp jobs. So if you're looking for something long-term while you're in a temporary situation, that seems like a recipe for disaster to me.  Best to have a "Roman Holiday" mentality: enjoy the time for what it is, but don't let your expectations get the better of you.
Angrygirl: Fling schmling. Relationships shouldn't be seasonal.
(Y)MC: As a rule of thumb, summer flings are always, always, always good ideas as long as nobody gets pregnant. And who knows, sometimes summer flings can turn into lasting and meaningful relationships that may or may not include pregnancy along the way.
Lily: Been there, done that.  Mixed feelings, but I did learn a lot.
Joses: Yes, It's time for another Good Idea/Bad Idea!
This question gets most people hot and bothered, because of the word "fling". If someone asked you, "Is a Summer Romance/Courtship a good idea?", of course you'd say "Yes!" So, the real question is, are flings a good idea at all? This is a question that merits more attention than I can give it now. Suffice to say, if you're OK with having a fling at all (whatever a fling might mean to you), then there's nothing wrong with a Summer Fling.
No one talks about a Winter Fling. Isn't it a better idea? What better way to pass the dark and cold than in someone else's warm arms? And you can dump them after they've put on all that Christmas fat.

About the Panelists:
Scottyi is excited because he just took his wife beater out of the drier. His website is www.sacredraisincakes.com / Angrygirl becomes less angry after hanging out on the beach. / (Y)MC is a son, brother, and husband. During his spare time, he enjoys long walks on the beach, authentic Taiwanese food, and streaming movies online. He believes almost all heterosexual inter-racial relationships are severely skewed, favor the white man, and consequently further disenfranchise the Asian male demographic group. As such, he has embarked on a personal mission to restore the balance in the world of inter-racial love-making. / Lily is an INTJ who prefers the library to every other building on campus.  I like puzzles, classical music, and chess.  My favorite thing to do online is stalk people on facebook and fill out my google calendar. / Joses grew up in Singapore, where it's pretty much summer all year round. Kinda boring, if you ask him. He tweets regularly at www.twitter.com/jacuzzijo. 

5/27 Friday Friendzone: Just Friends?

Every Friday, I'll be inviting some of my friends to my "Friendzone" to answer some juicy questions on some hot topic (Not limited to dating/relationships, although I'm sure that will be a frequent topic).  This week's panelists are: Scott, Angrygirl, Jimmy, Lily, and (Y)MC.

This week’s topic is: Just Friends.  How do you become more than just friends? Can you be even be just friends?  Let's see what our panelists had to say...

1. How do you know if a guy/girl likes you?

Scott: This is the easiest thing to figure out, and the one that most people seem to ignore all the time.  If someone likes you, they'll want to be with you as much as possible.  If you want to know if someone likes you, invite them to simple things like getting a coffee or a meal.  Then invite them to things that will take more time for them to plan, like running errands together.  Finally invite them to things that you know will be a big sacrifice of their time, like getting them to go to a volunteering event you know they have no interest in.  If they consistently make time for you, you're in.  If they consistently decline, especially on the simple ones, then forget about it.

Angrygirl: When a guy shows more attention, does nice/sweet things for you, remembers things you've said and acts upon them.. and he only does this with you. That is, his treatment is markedly different from how he treats other girls.

Guys can tell whether their feelings are reciprocated by the response to this stuff. Smiles, genuine hearty laughter, playing along are all positive indications. Tight forced smiles, nervous laughter, conversation killers are signs you should back off. It's really all about the tone and HOW things are being said as opposed to WHAT is being said. "Thanks!" with a smile and a rise in tone is good. "Thanks...." or a curt "Thanks." with a forced smile is probably not good.

Jimmy: Is it bad that I don't think I can answer this question? It's been a few years...

Lily: Me? Personally?  If he says so.  I'm not so good at the non-verbal communication.  Maybe also if he likes talking to me a lot, or if he treats me differently than other girls.  A guy knows I like him if I try to create situations where we can hang out one on one, if I make up an excuse to call him, if I try to get all his online chat info (IM, gchat, Skype).  However, I've done this at some point with guys who are just friends, only much more rarely.  I personally try to make sure the guy doesn't like me though, before doing all that.  Sorry guys, you'll never know until you ask.  I'm glad I'm not a guy, because it sounds really scary!  But in my opinion that's just the way it usually is in Christian circles.   

(Y)MC: The most telling sign of a guy's interest in you is if he keeps popping up in your life without having been invited. He'll show up at social gatherings, meetings that he doesn't actually care about, your neighborhood, or even the public bathroom just to create opportunities to be near/with you. As for indication of a girl's interest in you... they never say it explicitly. It's helpful if you are at least quasi-fluent in a foreign language or ASL, as these skills should enable you to better interpret confusing female signals. 

2. If a guy likes a girl, what should he do to get her attention?  What if the roles are reversed, what should she do to get his attention?

Scott: This is the most gender-biased problem to solve.  Guys should NEVER be nice to a girl whose attention they want, but girls should ALWAYS be nice to a guy whose attention they want.  Basically, girls are used to being treated well ever since they were little, while the opposite is true of guys.  Girls expect to be treated nicely, it's par for the course in a post-feminist society.  You're not gonna stick out.  Being cocky, or mysterious, or a badass, is gonna make you stick out.  On the other hand, make a dude a sandwich and he's putty in your hands.

Angrygirl: The gestures that stand out in my mind are those that showed the guy was really listening and had a sense of humor to know how to play off his knowledge of me. For instance I mentioned one time to a guy that I had just been to CVS and they didn't have the flavor of Dentyne Ice I wanted. A few days later a package came in the mail with a candy company return address, and inside I found packs and packs of Dentyne Ice spearmint.  Another time I playfully argued with a guy over the merits of curry (he didn't think curry was good.. what a weirdo) and he decided to take me to a curry restaurant on our first date to "settle the debate." Stuff like this is definitely not platonic and clearly signals interest. Disclaimer: I think it really depends on the person. What draws my attention wouldn't necessarily be the same for someone else. 

What does a girl need to do? Not much... because guys seem to be perpetually on the prowl for a girl. I actually think guys might be turned off by girls actively trying to be noticed and that instead, it's the girl who's being herself that eventually draws the interest of the guys who are scoping the field.. 

Jimmy: Give her attention. Show an interest in who she is and what she likes. However, do so in a way that is different from your interactions with other female friends. Or, just be bold and forthcoming right off the bat. 

Lily: One good conversation trick that I try to use is stopping at the peak.  Lots of people, if they really like another person, will talk all the way through the conversation, setting, rising action, climax, falling action, denouement (it's like a story!).  They talk all the way until the conversation has completely petered out and has become boring.  Instead, it's better to stop at a high point, even though it's SO tempting to keep talking right then.  Why?  Because you'll end the conversation on a high note, leave the person with the impression that you're both interesting and busy with more than just them (which is also very attractive), and you'll leave them wanting to see you again.  

(Y)MC: Depends. Obviously, in order to succeed, you'll first have to figure out what she likes and dislikes, and then you would tailor your strategery to maximize exposure and create a high rate of return for your time, finances, and emotional investment. For a girl to get a guy's attention, typically skimping on the clothing or developing a "loose" reputation will effectively help a girl garner attention from the opposite sex (including attention from currently registered and future soon-to-be registered sex offenders).

3. How do you know if you're on a date?

Scott: I stick to the position that says there are "friend dates" and "date-dates."  Friend dates can be intentional, like taking someone out to coffee that you just met at church, or unintentional, like holding an impromptu late night study session.  Date-dates must be intentional, in that both parties recognize romantic potential is involved, with initiative and planning necessarily required.  Single young adult men are great at friend dates, but unfortunately on date-dates a lot us tend to suffer from performance anxiety.   

Angrygirl: In an ideal world, guys would ask girls out and then say something really obvious, like "alright, it's a date." But for various reasons this doesn't happen and then girls usually realize ON the date that the guy considers it a date. If both parties are single, and the guy is opening doors and paying for everything and takes to you a very nice steak restaurant where there are linen napkins and sides come separate... yeah that's a date. Also unusual behavior can also be a sign-- dressing nicer than usual, being flirty, yadada. 

Honestly to me it seems so TIRING to try and decipher whether or not something is a date so I would take the direct approach and ask, "is this a date?" You will get one of two responses: "No" = not a date. "Ummmm" = he was hoping it was but now that you ask he has no idea what to say. 

Both approaches (deciphering or asking straight out) have high possibilities for awkwardness so I say just ask straight out.

Jimmy: If I ask her on a date. Men/boys: it only counts if you ASK her out. Don't be a wuss and hope for coincidental 1v1 hangouts. 

Lily: Easiest/best way: the person who asks the other person out says that it's a date.  Usually in dating relationships, the simplest way is the best way.  There are 'signs' that can show me I've been asked on a date, like a nice restaurant where the guy pays and/or just the two of us going somewhere special, but it's nice not to have to agonize over 'the signs.' 

(Y)MC: You're most likely going to be on a date if one of you had mentioned the word "date" before getting together. Also, if you hold hands, kiss, or participate in activities of further physical intimacy, you're probably even more likely to be on a date. As a rule of thumb, I always, always, always kiss on the first date.

4. Can guys and girls just be friends?

Scott: Yes, if the guy thinks the girl is unattractive.  Only temporarily, if he thinks the girl is attractive but she has a boyfriend.  Girls will be miffed by this assertion, but it's true.  This is why girls have "zones" and guys have "ladders."  To a guy, every non-ugly female friend can potentially be something more, and even ones which they didn't initially consider attractive can become attractive.  The lines between "liking" and "loving" are blurred in the male brain.  This is not true for girls.  A friend is a friend, a lover is a lover, and never the twain shall meet!! 

Angrygirl: Until a few months ago I thought this was yes. Then my boyfriend named three people in the last couple of years who were romantically interested in me when, at the time, I thought it was very clear to all parties that I was just buddies with the guy. I think girls have a tendency to think it's possible to have a perfectly platonic relationship with a guy, but from my experience it seems like guys can easily jump from "just a friend" to "want to date."  

Jimmy: Yes. I do think that there can be a relationship that's purely friendship.(Meaning that there can exist a relationship where neither party will want anything more than friendship). However, I think every friendship has moments when one person (or both) at least considers the possibilty of more than a friendship. 

Lily: Sort of.  You have to be honest with your motives in this area.  I've known a lot of people (myself included) who tried to make themselves believe they were just being friends with someone when they actually liked that person.  I've also seen this scenario.  Person A says they just want to be friends with Person B.  B likes A, and A doesn't like B (in that way) at all.  But for some reason, A INSISTS that they have to be close friends with B, even though it's driving B crazy.  Please, A, leave poor B alone.  You don't have to be friends with them. (I see girls do this a lot, but I've seen guys do it too.)  If you want to keep a person of the opposite gender just as a friend, then one way to assure this is to have a few friends of your own gender to confide in.

(Y)MC: Guys and girls can be friends once they finish middle school/junior high school. But sometimes you can run into really sticky situations, like what the girls from Sugar Jones are talking about in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeHl8bEhHsw.

5. Can guys and girls be friends again after they’ve dated or almost dated?

Scott: The person who answers "yes" to this question is the one who initiated the breakup, because they're ignorant and self-centered.  You can only be friends with somebody if you want to be friends.  The person who wanted to break up obviously wants the relationship downgraded to a friendship, so they'll ALWAYS say yes.  The one whose heart is broken doesn't want just a friendship, he or she wanted something more.  If this person says "yes" it's only because: a). they're used to being walked over by people and won't stick up for themselves, b). they hold out hope for the future, sadly, or c). their heart wasn't really broken, like they were secretly hoping to get out too or their mom didn't approve of the girl because she had a fat face.

Angrygirl: Yes, BUT there needs to be time and emotional distance first. Or as my wise crazy mom said, "Just avoid him." Sounds extreme, but I'm grateful I took her advice because I've seen so many friends go through break up, followed by "let's be friends" to take the burn off breaking up, followed by ambiguity with the dumpee experiencing confusion and the dumper experiencing obliviousness or guilt, followed by a second, real break up where the dumpee realizes the hope they had for restoring the relationship was actually all in their head and the dumper totally didn't mean to do that, "I thought we were just friends." If you want to be friends in the future there has to be no hope for becoming more-than-friends, which usually requires a (hopefully temporary) stop in communication. Think of it like an eyebrow tweeze-- quick, initially painful, but infinitely better in the end.

Also the guy my mom told me to leave alone? Didn't talk to him until 3 years later when school scheduling put us back into contact and he is now one of my closest guy friends. And because we've had that history there's more confidence on both sides that we are in fact, just friends.

Jimmy: Yes, I believe they can, but I think past events like that can potentially stifle that relationship from developing into a strong friendship. It can be harder to get close to someone (purly as a friend) after a dating relationship. 

Lily: Imo, not usually.  If the liking was mutual, then it's impossible for me at least to become friends with the person again.  Maybe cordial acquaintances, but even being within the same friend GROUP would be difficult.  Even if the breakup was amicable.  That said, I know there are some people who can go back to being friends again much easier than I can.  So it's a case by case basis.  Note: if only one of the two finds it difficult to go back to being friends, the other one should be sensitive to that.  On the other hand, if the linking was one-sided and that person talked to the other and realized the other didn't feel the same way, I think it's easier to go back to being friends.  As long as the liked person doesn't take advantage of the liker's emotions.

(Y)MC: Theoretically possible, but there's going to be some inevitable awkwardness. In my personal life, I haven't talked to ex's since those relationships ended years ago. Save the drama for their mama...?! 

About the Panelists: 

Scott Yi is a student at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and a campus minister at Brown University.  He is single, poor, and short, so he doesn't have much going for him.  You can read more of his thoughts at www.sacredraisincakes.com. / Angrygirl is a DC yuppie. / Jimmy is an educator of forest-dwelling high school boys. / Lily is an INTJ (Myers Briggs), and since most INTJs are guys, her advice might be unusual.  She’s read a lot of good Christian literature on dating (and some not so good, like the dreaded Henry Cloud).  She’s been in two relationships, both long-distance. / (Y)MC is a son, brother, and husband. During his spare time, he enjoys long walks on the beach, authentic Taiwanese food, and streaming movies online. He believes almost all heterosexual inter-racial relationships are severely skewed, favor the white man, and consequently further disenfranchise the Asian male demographic group. As such, he has embarked on a personal mission to restore the balance in the world of inter-racial love-making.