6/17 Friday Friendzone: Battle of the Sexes (Part 2)

Welcome back to the Friday Friendzone...


This week, the stench of testosterone is long gone!  The only fragrance permeating this air is flowery and feminine...even farts smell like flowers!  So take your time and soak it in....


1. Is it okay for a guy to care about his appearance more than you care about yours?
Angrygirl: Does this mean he would enjoy shopping with me? Does this mean he takes longer than me to get ready? Does it actually result in him looking good? Depending on the answers to those questions, it could either be a bonus or a nuisance.
Kim: ok so i have to do the following: hair, nails, eyelids, lashes, eyebrows, skin, earrings, other jewelry, match shoes and purse (it's totally unfair, by the way, that we have these teeny weeny pockets), put on skin/face lotion, perfume... does that answer the question?  it would be weird if he were PLAGUED by caring about his appearance as i am by caring about mine.
Minphil: That's not hard to do, so yes. I appreciate a guy who is willing to put in some effort. The sloppy look isn't as cute as you think it is.
Coco: I guess it depends on the girl.. my wardrobe now consists solely of light blue scrubs that are about 2 sizes too big yet several inches too short, so I care much less these days. My husband fondly refers to me as the "blue box," and apparently I look like I belong in a TLC video (waterfalls). I think it's nice when a guy cares enough to dress up on occasion. Any extended looks in the mirror are a bit questionable.
Treehugger: I guess it's okay, depending on how much more.  Like if the guy is always checking himself out, freaking out if his hair doesn't look good or his clothes don't look right, I wouldn't be into him.  If that's where he gets his confidence, that's a nono.  It's okay though I think if a guy cares that he doesn't look like a total mess.


2. Is chivalry dead? (Bonus: What is the meanest thing a guy has done to you?)
Angrygirl: It's not dead but it's an endangered species whose appearance is all the more treasured because it's relatively rare. For every modern-day chivalrous knight, there's a guy who thinks of women as living, breathing sex toys solely for his pleasure and use.
(Meanest thing a guy has done to me: pretend he didn't know who I was despite the fact that we had had 5+ introductions and about 283 mutual friends. I don't really buy the whole *sheepish laughter* "oh yeah, we HAVE met before..." after a while. Also nice bonus was the whole eye-averting when we would bump into each other on the street. Is it really that difficult to say a two letter, one syllable greeting? To this day just thinking about it gets me annoyed....)
Kim: story: my mom and i went to the bank together a few months ago, and as we walked towards the door, we saw a father and his ~10 year old son going in.  although we were pretty far behind them, the dad saw us and motioned to his son, who held the door until we got there!  in other words, yes i like it when guys hold doors/call me/initiate a dtr/open the car door/carry something that's too heavy for me, and yes i think the feminists ruined everything.  (oh, and the meanest thing a guy has ever done=dumping me)
Minphil: Defined as "the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms," I'd have to say yes, if only because of the dexterity in arms requirement. That's the clincher.
(Bonus: Nicknamed me Polyps.)
Coco:  I think chivalry is still alive, though it manifests itself through different actions than in the past. A guy doesn't need to open my car door on every occasion in order to be chivalrous. I think chivalry means treating women with respect, honesty and kindness. 
(Meanest thing I guy has done to be: Led me to believe he was really interested/"in love" with me, when his true preference was for members of the opposite sex. I wasted many high school days worrying about our relationship. Perhaps this was my fault, though... )
Treehugger: By this question, do you mean, it has died, and men aren't chivalrous anymore?  Or do you mean, chivalry is dead as it's a thing of the past and doesn't go well with our modern feminist sensibilities?  Well, either way, I think no, chivalry is not dead. Chivalry out of respect for women and not an idea that women are somehow less capable or weaker than men is a great thing.  On that note, I think a lot of men are still chivalrous now maybe with a better attitude behind it.  Some others, maybe not so much.


3. Is it okay for a girl to "wear the pants" in the relationship?
Angrygirl: Girls look good in pants. (Interpret as you wish)
Kim: no. crazy feminists.
Minphil: Each person in a relationship brings strengths that should be acknowledged and benefited from...it shouldn't be about domination, hierarchy, or control but rather a balanced partnership that draws on the gifts of both people.
Coco: Sometimes, when appropriate.. Question: when a guy chooses to cook dinner, do laundry or wash dishes, does it mean that he is "wearing the skirt"?? 
Treehugger: Hmm, I've never really liked this phrase "wear the pants."  Neither one should be domineering the other.  When it comes to big decisions though, I'd say the girl shouldn't "wear the pants".  In decision-making two people in a relationship won't always agree, but eventually someone will have to make a decision and the other will have to submit to that.  Otherwise they'll just end up at a stalemate and nothing'll be done.  Ephesians 5:22 clearly says for wives to submit to their husbands.  Still men should love their wives as Christ loved the church, so their decision should be made out of love for the girl, and the girl would wear the pants in that way.


4. Finish this statement: I hate it when guys....
Angrygirl: Try too hard. It's usually apparent and kind of tragic.. even if you're weird, can't you just do what's natural to you? Don't try to be someone based on what you think girls want or some TV show character you admire, it's very obviously artificial.
Kim: ...show off by being loud and vulgar ...ignore me when i'm asking a question or trying to get a laugh.
Minphil: I hate it when guys...ignorantly attribute a woman's emotions to PMS in order to delegitimize what she's saying or how she feels.
Coco: Try to USE girls, especially when related to their immigration status. I know your secret.. it's all a big scheme to get a green card :)
Treehugger: I hate it when guys complain about PMS and blame a girl's behavior on PMS when many men clearly show symptoms of PMS all-year round.  BUT Their PMS doesn't have any useful biological contribution to human reproduction.


5. Finish this statement: I love it when guys....
Angrygirl: Pursue passionate interests. By interests, I do not mean girls. I mean things ranging from hobbies (e.g., playing guitar, basketball) to causes (e.g., social justice, international economic development). It shows selflessness and a rounded character, and I like that they're using their potential for something that's not wholly self-serving. 
Kim: ...are intelligent ...are candid and humble ...are gentle in their words and actions 
Minphil: I love it when guys...give good hugs.
Coco: Make me laugh. I think it's important for a fulfilled and happy life.
Treehugger: I love it when guys are passionate about God, pursue Him with abandon, are compassionate towards the weak and lost, and live with conviction about who they are in God and what they are doing as opposed to dilly dallying through life.


About the Panelists:
Angrygirl is a DC yuppie who occasionally wears pants. (Interpret as you wish). / Kim has a huge crush on soterios johnson from npr.  she likes watching ke$ha interviews and action movies.  even her mom asks her for relationship advice, so she must know something. / Minphil, for the record, doesn't want to battle. Cupcakes and laughter preferred. / Coco is an old friend of Miller's who once declared that he was her "entertainment." She now spends her days celebrating the joy of bringing new life into the world. / Treehugger likes hugging trees because they're like hugging big people.

6/10 Friday Friendzone: Battle of the Sexes (Part 1)

Welcome back to my friendzone...where escape is nearly impossible!


This week we begin a 2-part series called Battle of the Sexes with an all-male panel responding to questions about the female kind...and next week we'll hear what females have to say about the guys!  Man...I can just feel the testosterone already....

1. What is your understanding of PMS?

Scott: It's one of those things that really separates the female condition from the male experience--hormonal chaos in a monthly ritual of biological entrapment.  I will never understand what it feels like to have an egg pass through my body and be sucked into a tampon in one bloody reminder of reproductive potentiality.  So on the one hand, I do sympathize with women for the burden their bodies place on them.  But on the other hand, I think there's few things in life more annoying and useless than trying to reason with a female in the middle of a mood swing.

Joses: PMS stands for Perpetual Menstrual Syndrome, contrary to a widespread and erroneous belief that the 'P' stands for 'pre'. In essence it refers to the state of being where one's emotions contradict facial expression, and where every word uttered is fraught with double meanings and hidden agendas. Note that this afflicts members of either gender.

(Y)MC: I think that's basically just like a few days of ridiculous hysteria and massive emotional instability that precedes the shedding of uterine lining in women. This occurs on a monthly basis and is typically synchronized to the waning and waxing of the moon. But to be honest, I don't really know. My wife can definitely more accurate and professional insights into this subject matter.

Jimmy: There is an imbalance of hormones because she was waiting to find out whether or not the stork was going to come visit later.  She finds out that the stork isn't coming to visit, and the extra hormones she had for the potential stork visit screws her up. Or some lame excuse like that, anyway.

Rob: Psychotic Mood Swings. Shortly followed by Potential Murder Suspect.

2. Is it true that girls are more mature than guys?

Scott: You know how girls peak at their early twenties, but guys can reach their peak much later in life?  For example, 40s Brad Pitt and George Clooney are way more dashing than their younger versions.  You know why that is?  It's physiologic irony due to the arrogance girls have in thinking they're more mature than guys: because they think they're so mature, girls' bodies age faster and their looks accordingly degrade at a rate directly proportional to their pretentiousness.

Joses: No. Although guys tend to be cheesier, a sign of the prolonged adolescence of our time. The real question is, whose cheesiness is more mature? That depends primarily what temperature you leave your cheesiness in.

(Y)MC: Assuming that age(male) = age(female), I suppose it is generally accepted that maturity(female) > maturity(male). But I'd like to emphasize an important point: maturity isn't necessarily a desirable characteristic (especially if your target audience is really, really young). Immaturity is the new sexiness, no?

Jimmy: I'm going to hear from this because of my occasional behavioral choices, but I think NO, girls are not more mature than guys.  I think that the society defines maturity as acting mature, or, more often, not acting immature.  I define maturity by the ability to react to any given situation (especially a difficult/adverse situation).  In my experience, at the same age group, guys are much better at dealing with tough situations than girls.  Sorry ladies (or maybe I've just hung out with extra manly men in my life.)  

Rob: Immaturity can present itself in many ways, but what grabs our attention is the loud & obnoxious kind. There could be just as many immature girls, they're just not as easy to spot. What is certain is this: a person's maturity doesn't necessarily increase with age.

3. Is it okay for a girl to "wear the pants" in the relationship?

Scott: It's ok for girls to offer solutions and best practices, what the guy should do is know when to defer to the knowledge of his female partner and when to trust his own decisions.  I think that's what male leadership should mean--humility to follow the counsel of others when appropriate.  Also, I know that some girls like to wear pants to show off their butts because they're superficial like that, but skirts are way cuter.  I love those T-Mobile 4G commercials with the girl in the pink dresses... she's adorable!!!  

Joses: In a relationship, you've gotta give her a reason to wear the dress. Like it was worn by Kate Middleton, or if it was designed by Vera Wang. Or like, she just looks great wearing that dress (That line usually works).

Although, if you're a male slave of the Amazons, you don't really have a choice. Just suck it up like a man, bro.

(Y)MC: Yes, I think it's okay for a girl to "wear the pants," but I try to make sure that I wear it more often than she does. But honestly, I think this whole pants-wearing thing should be equal opportunity amongst the two people in the relationship.

Jimmy: I believe that a girl can wear "some" pants, but I not "the" pants.  I grew up in a household with a very manly (John Wayne-ish) father, but also a very confident, outspoken mother.  For a man to lead doesn't require a woman to change who she is and blindly follow her male counterpart.  It means the guy MANS UP and leads, and the girl accepts that leadership.  This puts the pressure on the men to be good leaders and make good decisions (it's easy to be led by a good leader.  Men...Man up).

Rob: I find confidence in a woman very attractive, but the negative connotation commonly associated with this phrase makes me think of a controlling, insecure micro manager, which is . . . not attractive. A man needs to be a man.

4. Finish this statement: I hate it when girls....

Scott: Play mind games.  Don't lie to me, I know you do it, and I know you teach each other how to do it.  It's so repugnant to use such psychological tricks to manipulate unsuspecting, oblivious guys who are desperate for affection and thus will read into everything a cute girl does toward him.  They do it without even knowing they're doing it--making flirtatious jokes with a guy friend isn't friendship, it's irresponsible. 

Joses: step out of the house with wet hair. Freshly washed hair does smell nice but doesn't look great. Start early - give yourself time to blow/towel dry your crowning glory.

(Y)MC: get together and talk about stupid TV shows like Sex in the City and Lipstick Jungle (the latter of which I once watched religiously). I also hate it when girls talk about "oh my boyfriend did this..." or "ya my husband did that." SHUT YOUR FACE, WOMEN. And those guys need to stop being such over-achievers and making the rest of us look bad. Doesn't anyone honor the Bro Code these days?

Jimmy: Point out when they think they look unattractive in pictures.  For several reasons.  1- They're often WRONG.  2- Not everyone is photogenic ALL the time (well...maybe Joses).  3- Voicing a possible insecurity can often make you more insecure.  Come on, ladies, you're better (and better looking) than that.

Rob: ... are not authentic.   ... lack understanding/perspective.    ... are consumed with gossip.   ... flake out.

5. Finish this statement: I love it when girls....

Scott: Are into "guy stuff."  Sports, comic books, red meat and fast food, sci-fi movies and video games.  Not only does it mean that the girl has really good taste, but to me it's a mark of independence and a care-free spirit for a girl to be into things that aren't considered very appropriate for her.  I know "Smallville" is a mediocre TV show, but when a girl wants to watch the same crappy thing I do out of pure dork intentions, that's pretty sexy.  In a non-sexy kind of way, I suppose.

Joses: Smile.

(Y)MC: I love it when girls stay in the kitchen and cook delicious yet refined food. I also love it when girls nurture their skills in being or becoming a good, solid, and reliable domestic engineer -- responsibilities include, but are not limited to: cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, grocery shopping, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, taking out the trash, checking my children's homework, packing lunches, organizing carpools, writing thank-you notes, wrapping gifts, origami, etc.

Jimmy: Look attractive while dressing modestly.  It can show class, good decision making, and a confidence that they don't have to dress a certain way to get attention (...unless they're trying to get my attention).

Rob: ... are comfortable in their own skin.    ... are good listeners.     ... have clear and passionate goals.    ... have a confident, humble beauty about them.

About the Panelists:

Scott knows that guys are just as messed up as girls, if not more so--he just wants to make sure you know that girls are messed up too, alright?!  You can read more of his messed up opinions at sacredraisincakes.com. / Joses spent many a night sleeping in the same bed as Miller. He now lives and studies in Oxford. / (Y)MC is a son, brother, and husband. During his spare time, he enjoys long walks on the beach, authentic Taiwanese food, and streaming movies online. He believes almost all heterosexual inter-racial relationships are severely skewed, favor the white man, and consequently further disenfranchise the Asian male demographic group. As such, he has embarked on a personal mission to restore the balance in the world of inter-racial love-making. / Jimmy is a self-proclaimed "man among boys."  Not a pompous statement, just a job description.  / Rob is a freelance digital artist and musician. He would love for you to have a great day today.