7/12 Tuesday Milligan

When I was a kid, I played Little League Baseball...

Problem was...no one ever really taught me the rules of baseball...and I never really watched baseball on television....

...so all I did was do whatever my coaches told me to do...when they told me to "wait for my pitch," I didn't swing....when they told me to "give them a little bingo," I'd swing the bat....when it looked like someone on the other team was going to bunt, they told me to take a few steps onto the grass and I obeyed...

But baseball is a game of knowing the situations and thinking fast.  In the midst of all the boredom (especially when playing the outfield)...there are those brief moments when you'll need to know exactly which base to throw to and how many outs there are...but I didn't know any of that...

I remember when I made it to Double A baseball, things were great...except almost all of my friends from school were in Triple A by then...and when I finally got to Triple A, my friends were in the Majors...

Because I had no idea what I was doing, I feared making a single mistake and costing my team a game...and I sure played that way....scared.

If I could go back in time...I would have bought a baseball video game....learned how to play the video game....and then apply it to real life...

I was fairly decent at hitting...except I had a tendency to be scared to swing at what I guessed would be bad pitches.  I was fairly decent at keeping ground balls in front of me...but didn't really know what to do with the ball once I controlled it.  My lack of understanding led to incompetence...

By the spring of 7th grade, I heard my classmates in math class talking about how tryouts for the Babe Ruth Baseball League were coming up soon...but without even a care in the world...I went back to my math problem and my baseball career was over...

BUT, one day, I hope to redeem myself in an old man softball league...

7/5 Milligan + Tagging Contest

When I was a freshman in college, this new website "thefacebook.com" was sweeping the campus....sort of.  By the time "thefacebook" arrived at Brown University in 2004, the only other schools to have access to "thefacebook" were: Harvard, Columbia, Stanford, Yale, Cornell, Dartmouth, Penn, MIT, NYU, and Boston University.

Sounded like a hangout for elitists, right?  There was no way "thefacebook" would be more than that, right?  It wasn't like the future of the world would change because you could "poke" a girl who spends more time in front of a book than a mirror, right?

Well...boy was I wrong...

But...at the time....who could blame me for joining "thefacebook" with the expectation that it would soon rival the irrelevance of other social sites like Xanga or MySpace.  For this reason, I didn't want to get too into "thefacebook"....instead of uploading an image of me, I decided to upload my trademark "millerbear" logo that you still see on my facebook profile today!  And no...I don't regret having that bear represent me all these years...that's not my milligan.

My REAL milligan...regards de-tagging all my photos.  Just like how I didn't want a real picture of me on my profile... to be on some "ridiculous" elitist website...I surely didn't want to have my name attached to all my photos online, right?

Well...7 years later....I'm finally ready to admit that...one day, I'll want to archive all the pictures taken of me during my college years and beyond...and even let others see what I was like in those days...

Thus, I will be holding a week-long contest this week:

What: the "TAG MILLER ON FACEBOOK CONTEST"

Who: anyone who has a facebook account and knows what Miller looks like

Where: facebook.com

When: Contest ends on Tuesday 7/12/11 at 5PM

How: Tag as many photos of Miller on facebook (only pictures that are definitely Miller will count...so don't try to pass off a picture of Ryan Handoko as me for credit...).  The person who tags the single most number of photos will be declared the winner!

Why: Because the winner will be given the oh-so-elusive MillStar Award on Wednesday 7/13/11 AND receive a $25 gift certificate to any restaurant.com restaurant (that sells $25 gift certificates) of his/her choice...

So, go ahead and undo all my de-tagging and help me redeem this Milligan!!!

6/28 Tuesday Milligan

Two months ago when I was craving to relaunch the Daily Millings, I didn't know how to do it in a way that would be sustainable for longer than my customary 2 week blogging spurts.  My solution, I thought, would be microblogging.  That way...instead of having to post a whole article every day...I'd only have to post a one-liner and jump straight to the punchline with no substantiative build-up.  Sounds like a good idea, huh?

So I signed up for a tumblr account @ dailymilling.tumblr.com and started micro-blogging for the first time.  Well, after 6 posts of miscellaneous unorganized information....I gave up on micro-blogging.  That's right, instead of my customary 2 week blogging spurt....my micro-blogging only lasted a micro-spurt....and I returned here.

Many of my longtime readers have already commented on how they're impressed I've made it through 5 weeks of daily blogging already.  It's true.  I've had many blogs...and they all died out pretty quickly.  If I could get a Milligan, I would have operated on a 5-segment blog cycle from the very beginning and have come up with more ways to put up hilarious content without writing the articles by myself (ie Friday Friendzone)...

Don't get me wrong, I loved writing almost all of the blogs I've ever operated...but this micro-blogging phase is regrettable and forgettable.

Moral of the story: If your writing style involves...using a ton of ellipses...and writing the way you tell a story to a friend.... micro-blogging is not for you.  Don't be lured in by the artsiness (that you wouldn't be able to utilize anyway) or the "convenience" of writing one concise phrase at a time.  Punchlines should be preceded by seemingly unnecessary jab-lines.

6/21 Tuesday Milligan

As I referenced in my article about the split machine a few weeks ago, I mentioned that I had won the first ever Student of the Year award at my Tae Kwon Do School.  The prize was $150 worth of "Geoffrey Dollars" at Toys R Us.

Like any kid with a shopping spree would do, I didn't even think about splitting up the $150 among several items.  Instead, I looked for one toy to rule them all!!!

As fate would have it, the newly released portable gaming system SEGA's Game Gear had just been released and was selling for $150...

The Bad News: Game Gear didn't come with any game cartridges...

...but did that deter me from buying it?  No way!  Instead, I begged my dad if he would pay for my very first game cartridge...and he agreed.

So which game did I choose?

Wisely, I chose NBA Jam, which one of the only sports games to stand the test of time and be relevant even today!

Not so wisely, though....I didn't realize that Nintendo's GameBoy would actually have infinitely better games than SEGA's Game Gear....and actually have a resurgence of popularity many years after Game Gears were phased out completely.

But that probably didn't matter either...because I ended up never buying a 2nd game for my Game Gear!  I spent $150+ on one game!  Granted, it could have been worse....I could have chosen "Shaq Fu" instead of NBA Jam.  Wikipedia summarizes the plot of "Shaq Fu" like this:

In the game's storyline, Shaquille O'Neal wanders into a kung fu dojo while heading to a charity basketball game in Tokyo, Japan. After speaking with a kung fu master, he stumbles into another dimension, where he must rescue a young boy named Nezu from the evil mummy Sett-Ra.

Moral of the Story: Whenever you have an enormous gift certificate, spend it wisely or else you'll end up like me....you'll have nothing to show for it except for a lousy blog entry filled with regret 15 years later!  So at least spend it on something that will lead to a blog post of fond memories!

For example, if I gave you a $50 gift card for McDonald's, DO NOT do the reasonable thing and split it up into 10 meals of $5 value.  INSTEAD, get $50 worth of Chicken McNuggets and swim in them!

6/14 Tuesday Milligans

Okay, I have heard the people...yesterday's MillBox wasn't very good....so lemme make it up to you loyal readers out there by telling you my most embarrassing story ever!

DISCLAIMER: DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH!!!  I REPEAT DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU ARE EASILY GROSSED OUT!!!  I'll give you 10 seconds to decide whether you should continue reading or not...

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1...(No turning back now!!!!)




I remember it being an extremely windy spring afternoon in the Greater Boston area during my senior year of high school.  I had just won a tennis match with my doubles partner at some random public park because the school we were competing against did not have their own tennis courts.  I remember  that we won pretty quickly...which was awesome....not because we were dominant....but because I really had to poop.

Once the match was over, I asked the opposing coach where the nearest bathrooms were...and he was like..."Just go in a bush...otherwise there's a gas station several blocks away."

Not exactly the answer I wanted to hear...

So, I look around and I see that he's probably right because it looks like it's definitely a residential neighborhood surrounding the park.  At this point, I had probably held it in for a while during my match...so I didn't want to take a chance looking for this unknown gas station.

Naturally, I took his first suggestion...going in a bush!

BUT...when I went to the area of the park with trees...I quickly realized that there were little kids playing hide and seek there....and it would probably not be a good idea to defecate where a kid might be hiding on the other side of the tree!

So, I decided to think outside the bun...I hopped onto our bus that was parked on the road.  Since, my doubles partner and I were the first two members of the team to finish our match, he was the only person on the bus.  Like all cool kids, he was sitting in the back row of the bus.

I asked the bus driver, who was standing outside the bus, if he had any tissues or napkins.  (Is it strange that I didn't look for any potential toilet paper when thinking about pooping behind a tree?)  He said he had a roll of paper towels on the bus.  "Excellent," I thought, "now I just need a receptacle."

Unfortunately, there was no bucket on the bus....

Instead, I was only able to find a plastic bag....

Procedure:
If you're interested in how I did it...I kneeled in the front row of the bus while facing the back (yes, my teammate was still sitting in the back row)....I leaned back slightly to center myself over the bag I held open with my hands!!!  Imagine the rest...

Problems:
Imagine dropping anything into a plastic bag, you are holding open with as big of a circumference as possible.... Let's say you're drop apples into the bag...once the first apple hits the bottom of the bag, the bag immediately takes on a cylindrical shape....and let me tell you.... the sudden decrease in bag circumference makes it incredibly difficult to drop the remaining apples into the bag...

...logistical nightmare!  I made my teammate swear to not tell anyone...and somehow he didn't!  If I was a freshman instead of a senior...I might not have survived the insults or hazing that would have followed!  But def better than pooping my pants!

6/7 Tuesday Milligan

Nowadays, when I talk about my basketball career, I talk about how I peaked in the 5th grade and it's been a decline since then...

At church, I played basketball with kids 3 or 4 years older than me, which is more impressive if you consider that they had already had their growth spurts.  Even though I won't claim that I could beat them, I held my own because I was a deadly 3-point shooter from the right corner.  Even though I was really tiny and had no real arm strength, I managed to master a two-hand push shot from my chest that arc'd really high in the air...reached it's apex at roughly 2/3 of the distance between myself and the hoop and managed to go through the hoop at a pretty high percentage! (I even got the 2nd highest score in a shooting contest held in my city that year!)  Out of fear that my shot would be blocked by my numerous taller opponents, I put so much arc on my shot that I hit the roof of the old Chinatown YMCA Bubble at least twice during the regular season.  The reality was I couldn't really offer our Saints team very much as a 5th grader except by exciting the crowd with the possibility that this tiny pudgy kid might make a 3-point shot in a game against high-schoolers.  I am very grateful to my teammates and our token coaches for always putting me in for the last few seconds of every half and drawing up a play to get me a shot.  More often than not, I got blocked or missed badly...but I was so grateful for being able to play 1 minute per game (even though most kids today would complain with the lack of fairness in dividing up playing time...I was just happy to be there.)

Now all of this sounds great.  Is this just a humblebrag?  Why is this story a milligan?

Because once I developed enough strength to shoot the ball with one arm...I abandoned my push shot for a conventional shooting motion...and was never the same again.  I continued to shoot tons of 3-pointers...but probably missed 80% of them.  Sure, I rarely got blocked now...but man I traded my most valuable skill to just be like everybody else.

Moral of the story: When someone tries to teach you to shoot, you should just go on and give 'em the boot.

5/31 Tuesday Milligan

Milligan: When people buy their first exercise machine, it's usually something that simulates running or biking because those activities are particularly helpful for losing weight and staying svelte...but without leaving your house and allowing people see how out of shape you are or how winded you get (plus, you get to watch tv instead of looking trees).

But for me...my first exercise machine came way too early in life.  When I was in early elementary school (first or second grade), I was really into with Tae Kwon Do.  I was collecting stars (ironed-on star badges to put on my uniform) like there was no tomorrow and actually was student of the year at my local Tae Kwon Do academy.

But what exercise machine would allow me to best succeed in Tae Kown Do?

Apparently...I really needed work on my splits.

Yes. THOSE splits.

Essentially you sit down with your legs in stirrups and slowly but surely you pull a lever to increase the angle of your legs until you get to a full 180 degree angle....

Just look at these pictures, reread the previous sentence, and then agree with me that this was probably the most useless piece of exercise equipment ever designed!

I'm not sure how much my parents paid for this thing.  I can't even remember if I was the one who wanted it OR if some sleazy instructor at the Tae Kwon Do academy touted the machine's utility!

All I know is...I could really use a treadmill or elliptical right now.  BUT instead of wowing you with a slender figure...I can only hope to wow you with the flexibility of a high school cheerleader!

Moral of the Story: Never buy a split machine...unless you want to buy mine.

5/24 Tuesday Time Machine (Milligan)

Milligan (something I would do over): 
When I was a kid, it was not uncommon for me to wake up every morning with a bloody nose.  Perhaps, it was too dry in my bedroom.  Perhaps, this is just something a lot of Chinese kids deal with.  Either way, it didn't bother me much.  I got used to it.  I began becoming incredibly proficient in making origami tissue rockets to stick into my nostrils.  It was also incredibly satisfying to guess the correct moment when I could pick my nose for bloody boogers, without inciting another stream of bleeding.


BUT there was one time, when I wished I wasn't so prone to bloody noses...


When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I had my first crush.  After school, I would go to my babysitter's house to play until my parents picked me up after work.  And by chance, the first girl I ever liked lived directly behind my babysitter's house.  So for all those days we were only separated by a fence.

One day, I peek through the fence and see her.  And I call her over to have a conversation.  After talking about whatever 10 year olds talked about...she invites me to come over her house to play.  After getting permission from my babysitter to cross over to the other side of the fence...we go into her house to do that thing where you put beads onto a pegboard and then use an iron to melt them into some horrendous looking piece of art.  (What were those things called?)

Anyway, before any iron could be used...my nose starts gushing with blood...

I got embarrassed and decided it was best for me to go back to my babysitter's house instead of letting her see me stuff tissues in my nose....Maybe my story was the inspiration for that Leona Lewis song "Bleeding Love"...

Long story short, I was friendzoned (which wasn't even a known commodity in 1995), BUT the good news is that I stopped getting these random nosebleeds sometime during high school!  ...and now I have a girlfriend.  Coincidence? I think not!


Moral of the story: Don't play ironing beads with a girl you like if you get chronic nosebleeds.  Instead you should probably get a friend of yours to hit on her, then you can "protect" her from him by letting him punch you in the face...and then your nosebleed suddenly becomes a nosebleed of chivalry!

Monday 6/9 Makeup Millings

Daily MillStar: A MillCredit goes to my favorite diner of all time, Family Fare in Peabody, MA. After an interesting dinner on Friday night (See MillDud), it was great to go to some place familiar and trustworthy. If your live near the North Shore area and are looking for a restaurant to host father-son breakfasts, look no further than Family Fare and be sure to order your kid a Hungry Man Special (3 eggs, 2 bacon, 2 sausages, 2 pieces of toast, 2 plate sized pancakes, a side of potatoes, and bottomless coffee) for roughly $6.

Since much has happened since Saturday, let me award an additional MillStar Award to Celtics Super-Sub Leon Powe. A year ago, I joked that Leon was the most efficient player in the NBA because he would get 6 points and 4 rebounds in about 4 minutes of playing time per game, but breaking out for 21 points in 15 minutes of the NBA Finals is unheard of. For all those conspiracy theorists who think the NBA is rigged, do you think the halftime feel-good story about Powe had anything to do with the fact that he was also the player of the game?

Daily MillDud: A MillDud goes to LJ's BBQ in Pawtucket. Trying to uncover more of the hidden gems of Rhode Island Cuisine, I took a friend to LJ's in search of such gem-ness. We ended up being intrigued by the largest meal on the menu. When I asked the waitress if the meal would be plenty for two people, she claimed it would be enough. Following a lackluster BBQ meal, we were surprised to see an extra $2 charge tacked onto our bill for sharing a meal. Upon seeing this, my friend and I looked at each other and simply said "What a MillDud!"

A second MillDud goes to Lisa Gomi aka Umami. One week ago, Umami complained (rightly so) that the Millings were getting way too NBA-heavy and might alienate readers such as herself; however, in recent days Umami has begun to partake in basketball trash talk and has claimed to be Anti-Celtic. For doing her best John-Kerry-eating-pancakes-in-his-slippers impression (flip-flopping), Umami gets today's 2nd MillDud.

MillBoard Charts Song of the Day: In honor of the current heat wave we are experiencing, it is time to select a song by your favorite heat-related boy band... 98 degrees! Which song shall I choose? How bout..."My Everything" featuring Jessica Simpson as Nick Lachey's love interest.

Milligan: When I was a sophomore at Brown, a bunch of us decided to stay over night at the Sciences Library (even though back then it closed at 2AM). Jimmy and I went there earlier in the evening to scout out the territory. We pulled down all the shades on one floor and set up chairs to mark off spots on the floor that turned on any motion sensor lights. While we successfully avoided getting booted out of the SciLi at 2AM, it didn't all turn out for the best. In the early hours of sunlight, we decided to go climb to the roof (which at the time was the highest point in Providence). On the way down, though, one of our comrades feel about 10 feet onto her shoulder. As she grasped her shoulder in pain, we didn't know what to do. Since it was still a few hours before the library opened again, we could either have her tough it out another few hours or get her to medical attention as soon as possible. We decided on the second option...but then we had to figure out how to escape the library. We could either try to turn ourselves in to the campus police or try to break out and run away. Afraid of punishment, we decided to go out the exits and all run in different directions so the cops couldn't get all of us. Even though this idea had "genius" written all over it (sarcasm)...all the doors were locked. We called the cops and awaited our punishment. When the cop came, he lectured us on how we have to play by the rules and how breaking the rules in "the real world" could get us in serious trouble...but for some reason he thought that we were breaking the rule to get a few extra hours of studying done...so he just let us off with a simple warning to play by the rules even if we have a killer exam to study for (which we didn't). I spent the rest of the morning in the hospital with our fallen comrade and made a vow to never climb anything again.

Millage People Shout Out: A Shout Out to Carrie Lutjens, who noticed that there weren't any Millings on Friday. Keep up the effort, Carrie.

Wednesday 6/4 Sister's Day Millings

Daily MillStar: A MillCredit goes to my sister Kathryn because today is her twenty-somethingth birthday. She has really earned her MillStar Award by putting up with my antics over the years. (See Milligans)

A Series of Sister-Related Milligans: In late 1992, I first became a fan of pro wrestling. Something about it really got me hooked to the point that I pretended to be a wrestler. I started by perfecting some basic moves on stuffed animals...then I invented some of my own moves on larger objects like those cushion chair things. Eventually, I had to practice my craft on real people...including my sister. I remember one incident, in particular, when my sister was laying down on her bed (in slumber party position-belly down and knees bent) watching television. Without her noticing, I climbed up onto a 4ft high bookcase behind her and did a diving somersault into her. From the momentum of my tumble, she rolled off the bed and her head hit the desk. If I remember correctly, I felt pretty bad...this is one of the times I thought my sister was legitimately hurt (because she would often feign an injury just to get me in trouble).

When I was in 4th or 5th grade, I noticed that my sister had grown tired of practicing the piano to the point that my mom would yell at her for not doing so. Seeing an opening to make myself look better by making her look worse, I told my mom to sign me up for piano lessons. For a year or so, I did pretty good in my piano lessons. I even did some kind of piano evaluation thing that my sister hadn't done. Feeling a sense of accomplishment, my interest in piano was revealed to be a fraud and I didn't to take lessons any more. It is acts like these that make me ashamed of how I treated my sister while growing up and motivate me to treat her better nowadays.

Millage People Shout-out: Mad props to my mom and dad, who made it all possible.

Friday 5/30 Weekend Millings

Daily MillStar: A MillCredit goes to one of my fave 5 NBA players of all time, Vlade Divac. With the news of the NBA penalizing floppers starting next season, the Yugoslavian will go down in NBA history as the greatest flopper of all time (in my opinion at least). He wasn't called "the Trout" for nothing.

Daily MillDud: A MillDud goes to Clayton Holmes Grissom better known to us as "The Invisible" Clay Aiken. In August, Aiken will father a child...but just when I thought he might finally prove to us he's not gay...it turns out he merely donated his sperm and didn't put it there himself.

MillBoard Charts Song of the Day: On my drive home home today, I waited out the traffic by listening to some Black People music. One of the most intellectually stimulating songs I heard was "She Got It" by 2 Pistols featuring T-Pain. Monday's MillStar Award is yours if you can correctly count the number of times "She Got It" is said including the echoes.

Milligan: When I was in 11th Grade, a girl called me up at home and asked if I would go to the Junior Prom with her. I remember my mom picked up the phone and told me it was a girl. For some reason, the thought of having to my parents I was going to prom scared me...so I told the girl I wasn't going to go...while using really vague language because my parents were listening to my end of the conversation. In retrospect, I think I would have gone if I liked the girl who asked me. But for the sake of "the cycle," I probably should have said "yes" and gone to the prom anyway. (See the MillBox for more on "the cycle").

MillBox:
Question: So if a guy that I don't like romantically asks me out, shouldn't I just say "no" so he doesn't get the wrong idea? ~Inexperienced Girl, Virginia
Miller: If he has no criminal record, you MUST say "yes!" There is no way around it. If you say "no," you will shatter his confidence and he may never be able to ask another girl out. By saying "no" to him, you are not only hurting this guy, you are also hurting girls that may be waiting for him to ask them out. By saying "no," you break the cycle. Do the right thing, ladies; accept the free dinner for the sake of your fellow woman.

Millage People Shout-out: Mad props to Tony Allen, who finally did something positive. By aggravating his old injury in practice, he has opened up a roster spot for the Boston Celtics to have a Token White Guy on their roster. Looking at the racial distribution of both Eastern Conference Finals Rosters, Brian Scalabrine proves that "There Can Only Be One."

Wednesday 5/28 Delayed Millings

Millting Points: Thoughts on living alone:

• It's kinda weird.
• I realized why normal people go to bed so early...
• ...there's nothing to do late at night.
  

Daily MillStar: A MillCredit goes to Vince McMahon for suggesting that he is going to give away one million dollars of his own money to WWE fans over the course of the next few weeks. Vince is such a genius that he might only be giving away "a chance" at one million dollars, but he'll still get massive ratings. Let's hope this doesn't earn an XFL sized MillDud in the coming weeks.

Daily MillDud: A MillDud goes to the WNBA. This MillDud is long overdue. Does the WNBA seriously think it can guilt trip me into watching them? Their new commercials seem to suggest that I wouldn't disparage their league...it's good thing I am not easily persuaded by commercials shown during NBA games...otherwise I would try to dive into a basketball court head first (courtesy of Sprite).

MillBoard Charts Song of the Day: It's always been a dream of mine to go to an open mic night and perform the "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Theme Song." The fact that almost no one knows the verses of the song means that it would take people a full verse to realize that I was actually singing the Power Rangers song and not some generic (but serious) rock song.

Milligan: When I was a Freshman in college, Mike Chen and I got pretty experimental with our haircuts. Though retaining his trademark "poofy hair," he got a Jesus fish shaved into the back of his head. I, on the other hand, being a little less righteous and a little more narcissistic, got the letter "M" shaved into the back of mine. Because we were about 8 years late on the whole shaving-into-the-back-of-the-head trend, it's something I'd like to forget.

Millage People Shout-out: Mad props to Tim Havens for revealing the awkwardness of his past relationships. Not only is Tim happily married now, but he also has New York Times paparazzi stalking him while he enjoys his morning cereal. Tim is proof that you too can overcome a past history of awkward pseudo-relationships that abruptly end.

Tuesday 5/27 Millings

Millting Points: Things I know about Singapore:

• Don't be naughty or you'll be caned.
• Selling gum is illegal unless it's nicotine gum. What kind of society awards smoking?!?
• Singaporean men must serve two years for an army with no enemy.
  
• According to Scott Yi, all Singaporeans look the same.
• Like all Asian countries, Singapore has yet to utilize the undershirt.
  

Daily MillStar: A MillCredit goes to Kara Dziobek, who was the first person to join the "I read the Daily Millings everyday on dailymillings.blogspot.com" Facebook group.

Daily MillDud: A MillDud goes to Trinity Brewhouse, which was closed last night because of Memorial Day. They would have been lucky to get our business, because East Ave Irish Pub in Pawtucket is the rich man's Trinity Brewhouse. Not only does East Ave also have 20 cent wing Mondays, it has the wings in 4 different varieties.

MillBoard Charts Song of the Day: The song of the day goes to "Emphasis" by various bands from Mars Hill Church. In our time at Citylife Church, Joses and I were dazzled by this song. It is interesting to note that the word "emphasis" fails to appear in this song at all. Perhaps, this song will take off and become this generation's "Shout to the Lord."

Milligan: When I was in 8th grade, I started to care about what I was wearing. At the time, it was trendy for boys to wear an unbuttoned short-sleeved plaid shirt over a white undershirt and khaki shorts. I remember waking up about a half hour earlier to iron my clothes before school. Considering the fact that I didn't even begin to like girls until the 10th grade, I gladly trade in the ironing skills I acquired for about 365 extra hours of sleep.

MillBox:
Question: If I wanted to ask you or Joses or Jimmy a question for the Daily Millings, what should I do?
Miller: Well, you should post your question as a comment on this blog or you can email your question to dailymillings@gmail.com if you wish to remain anonymous (even though you can comment anonymously on this blog).

Joses Ho's HoBag:
Question: What's your advice to any CHC (our campus fellowship, College Hill for Christ) men looking to date?
Joses: Start early.

Didier Dinh's NBA Dinh-sider: To Coach Doc Rivers...Where is Eddie House when we need him? He saved your team the previous round and you're going to bury him on the bench again? Is it because you're afraid that he cannot bring up the ball? Ray Allen and Paul Pierce do that job most of the times when he's on the floor anyway! As we were shooting 30% the entire night isn't it logical to give your second best shooter a try?? You have given the Celtics a very inconsistent rotation this entire post-season, which prevents the guys off the bench to get any kind of rhythm. Do the right thing and find some minutes for Eddie.

Millage People Shout-out: Mad props to the mystery person who is reading this blog from Singapore. Since Joses and his entire family is still in the states, I have no clue who you are. Please identify yourself!

Monday 5/26 Memorial Day Millings

Millting Points: Since it's Memorial Day, here is a list of the coolest things with the word "Memorial" in their names.

1. Peabody Veterans Memorial High School - the high school that produced me.
2. Leonard P. Zakem Bunker Hill Memorial Bridge - the awesome looking bridge in Boston right next to the TD Banknorth Boston Garden.
3. Uhhh...that's all.
   

Daily MillStar: In honor of Memorial Day, today's MillCredit goes to my two favorite military men of all time, "The Chicken Army" ...of General Tso and Colonel Sanders. Did you know that General Tso was a real general? Even so, did you know that Colonel Sanders is probably the most popular military man (and white guy) in China?

Daily MillDud: This MillDud goes to Fung Wah Bus Co. for being stupid. Quiz Question: How does a 4 hour bus ride turn into a 7 hour bus ride? If you answered, "A flat tire and waiting 2 hours on the side of the highway," then ding ding ding you are absolutely correct!

MillBoard Charts Song of the Day: With Jimmy leaving today, the song of the day can only be Flo Rida's "(Shawty Got) Low." Instead of linking you to the Flo Rida music video, I have decided to link you to how we found the song in the first place. We were watching on of Jimmy's favorite shows (the Ellen Degeneres show) and we realized the song was so catchy that we had to start dancing, too.

Milligan: When I was in 6th grade, I participated in backyard wrestling. We would take all the things we learned from watching the WWF on television and use them to fight each other...for real. We did not script the outcomes of the matches. Typically, the matches would end by submission, when someone applied some kind of chokehold that restricted the airways. Looking back on it, I'm surprised we didn't get hurt at all. If I could do it again, I would suggest that we script it all.

MillBox:
Question: If you were on a date with Lisa Loeb, what would you do? ~Lucas Ho, Singapore
Miller: I would take her to a karaoke bar and sing a song to her. I would serenade her with a very poorly sung version of her hit song "Stay (I Missed You)" hoping that butchering her only claim to fame would win me her heart.

Joses Ho's HoBag:
Question: Joses, if you could say something to a very special girl out there what would it be?
Joses (to a very special girl out there): I wish I could have seen you before you had flown off, but I'm happy we got to hang out your last night here.

Jimmy Tull's TuleBag:
Question: Seriously, do you really watch the Ellen DeGeneres Show? ~Ellen DeGeneres, Burbank, California
Jimmy: No I do not "seriously" watch it. I mean we've probably only seen it a couple of times in the last couple of months. So, so I do not seriously watch it. ...Notice that the question didn't ask if I enjoy it.

Millage People Shout-out: I want to give a shout out to Anna Hsu, who is the very first person to shamelessly ask for a Millage People Shout-out.

Friday 5/23 Commencement Millings

Millting Points: Brown University Class of 2008 Thoughts:

• Four years already? That was fast...I can't even remember Joses's junior year.
• 135 Lloyd: How long before the MillBoard Charts Song of the Day is Flo Rida?
  
• Who's the baccalaureate speaker? Was Claire Huxtable booked this weekend?
• Famous parents tracking: Chris Berman and Dustin Hoffman return!
  
• The two-time Couple of the Year, Herman Hsu and Ling Phoun, are moving on. Which pair will take the title next year?
  

Daily MillStar: A MillCredit goes to my landlord Phil McMaster, who drove Nick to the airport yesterday. Besides that, Phil always tells it like it is and even wishes you luck when you go to parties (...whatever that means).

Daily MillDud: This Commencement MillDud goes to Brown Women (meaning females at Brown and not the hot latinas out there that didn't go to Brown). How in the world are you gonna let Jimmy and Joses go home single?

MillBoard Charts Song of the Day: In honor of the Class of 2008, the song of the day is "Leave the Memories Alone" by Fuel. Even though the repetition of the words "You'll Never Change" is contrary to the spirit of graduating, the song is just too catchy to not be the anthem of this year's graduating classes. This song also served as the retirement anthem for famed professional wrestler Ric Flair.

Milligan: When I was in Kindergarten, I cheated on a test for the very first time. And can you believe that I actually got caught?!? It turns out that I cheated off of some one who would eventually stay back in Kindergarten...bad move. (Disclaimer for the kids out there: Not only is cheating morally wrong...it's also not a fool-proof system...especially if you cheat off fools.)

MillBox:
Question: I know I let you down in Game 1, so I scored 25 points last night. Do you forgive me? ~Walter Ray Allen, Waltham, MA
Miller: Well, RayRay...you didn't win, but I forgive you. I was finally warming up to the idea of never winning on the road to prove everyone wrong, but I'm gonna agree with some of the NBA analysts who say "Maybe losing one at home will finally motivate them to win on the road."

Joses Lucas Ho's HoBag:
Question: Lucas, it must be tough being Joses's identical twin. What do you think of his topless photos on facebook? Do you ever get upset that he's not only flaunting his own body but also an exact replica of your body?
Lucas: What makes you think that my body is as flabby as his?

Jimmy Tull's TuleBag:
Question: What's the stupidest thing you've done in college?
Jimmy: I mean...realistically...it's probably the patented Jimmy Tull "Oh you thought we were dating for the past couple of weeks...not anymore...cuz I'm just gonna ignore you." It's been done three times. Remember 2004?

Millage People Shout-out: I want to give a quick shout out to my Grandpa, who as of Monday morning, is in heaven. Though he had many hopes for me, my only hope for him was that he would indeed go to heaven one day. Of his 89 years on Earth, it took him about 82 before he smartened up and reconciled with God. Since eternal life, by definition, is "knowing the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom He sent," my Grandpa is already moving on to his 8th year of eternal life...but now the suffering is gone.

Thursday 5/22 Musical Millings

Millting Points: American Idol thoughts:

• Amanda Overmyer really scares me. How scary???...think Roseanne scary.
  
• Once Carly Smithson got voted off...the show became harder to watch.
• How did Chikezie not make it big?!? I mean, his full name is Chikezie Eze!!!
• Instead of giving cars both Davids, they should have given both cars to David Cook.
• Seeing David Cook win it makes me genuinely happy...like Red Sox 2004 happy.
• Seeing David Archuleta lose it makes me wonder if his dad will ground him for life.
  

Daily MillStar: A MillCredit goes to Jimmy Tull for filling in for Joses. Because Joses is in New York picking his family up at the airport, we here at the Daily Millings have a new question and answer segment called Jimmy Tull's Tulebag (see below).

Daily MillDud: A MillDud goes to David Archuleta. No explanations needed.

MillBoard Charts Song of the Day: Since last night marked the finale of American Idol Season 7, the song of the day goes to my favorite performance of the season: "Always Be My Baby" by David Cook. The original by Mariah Carey reminds of when I first started following music (see the Milligan). This version, though, is so creepy that I like it. For some reason, a girl singing "don't you know you can't escape me" is a lot different from a guy singing it. Write THAT down as a gender difference.

Milligan: When I was in 5th grade I knew absolutely nothing about music, but for some reason all the other kids at school did. I remember one time being asked if I liked the Beatles. Because I knew for a fact that my "uncool" Dad loves the Beatles, I thought they would surely be deemed as "uncool." I told my friends that the Beatles were awful and got criticized. Boy, was I wrong.

MillBox:
Question: What do you think of the "There can only be one" commercials for the NBA playoffs?
Miller: I think someone needs to make a spoof where they match up half of Sam Cassell's face with half of Mike Bibby's face. The ugliest man in basketball...there can only be one.

Jimmy Tull's TuleBag:
Question: Jimmy, how do you know if a girl is interested in you? ~M.F. Thingy, Providence, RI
Jimmy: Unfortunately for me, it has to be obvious. It has to be obvious in terms of gratuitous affection, her treating you differently than her other guy friends, and sometimes you can just see it in her eyes...however, sometimes you can be wrong about the signs and you're so far into the "friend zone" that you didn't even know what hit you. That pretty much sums up my life.

Millage People Shout-out: Mad props to the family of Joses Ho. They're coming today for commencement weekend. Should I make Joses look bad by talking to them in Cantonese?

Wednesday 5/21 Very NBA Heavy Millings

Millting Points: Assorted NBA stuff:

• Celtics won it fairly easily...maybe I should have picked them to win in 5.
• The Allens: Ray didn't score 20, but Tony did get some playing time.
  
• Western Conference Finals Prediction: Lakers in 7.
• How in the world did the Bulls win the Draft Lottery! I think they should take hometown boy Derrick Rose and propose a Hinrich, Deng, Gooden, Noah trade for Carmelo and Camby.
  

Daily MillStar: A MillCredit goes to Jeff Van Gundy. I love his commentary...he's the anti-Doris Burke. He has the best idea for an NBA rule change I've ever heard: a made half court shot immediately ties the game.

Daily MillDud: Today's MillDud goes to Mike D'Antoni for choosing the Knicks over the Bulls. Sure, the money was better...but think about having the Derrick Rose instead of Stephon Marbury as your team's best point guard. A second MillDud goes to Kirk Hinrich, who all of sudden, lost his job to a ping pong ball.

MillBoard Charts Song of the Day: The song of the day is "Jamie Smiles" from the movie Just Friends. This movie is a must-see if you've ever been caught in the friend zone...it could be painful to watch, though, if you can relate to the main character's plight.

Milligan: If I could go back in time, I would be sure to go to a Celtics game in the old Boston Garden. I've been to the new Garden/Fleetcenter many a time; however, I've only been to the original Boston Garden for Disney on Ice's production of Peter Pan. I did wear a green hat that day...but I was a little embarrassed that it had a feather in it.

MillBox:
Question: How do you come up with all of these "Mill" words?
Miller: One day, I looked up the letter M in the Encyclopedia and looked for all the Mill words I could use for a future blog project. You'd be surprised what other words are just waiting to be unleashed such as Mill-itant, Milldew, Millshake, Mill-imeter, Milliteracy, Millnourished, Millegitamate, Mill-asia (like Malaysia), Millanoma, Millody, Millodrama, and Millegal Aliens.

Joses Ho's HoBag:
Question: Joses, imagine being on your dream date...what are you wearing?
Joses: Nothing.

Millage People Shout-out: Mad props to ESPN360.com for allowing me to enjoy the Celtics Game.

Tuesday 5/20 Millings

Millting Points: My Predictions for the NBA Eastern Conference Finals:

• Celtics in 7. They will be the first NBA champs to never win a road playoff game.
  
• Ray Allen will score 20 points in Game 1.
• Tony Allen will get some playing time and make a bonehead play.
• If Violet Palmer refs a game in this series, the Celtics will lose that game.
  

Daily MillStar: The first MillCredit goes to the return of the Daily Millings. We're Back!!! The new format is very quick and witty without giant text blocks...it's much more conducive for putting the "daily" into the Daily Millings.

Daily MillDud: A MillDud goes to the college minister at Citylife Presbyterian Church because it took him a whole semester to talk to Joses and me even though we always sit a row behind him in service. Coincidentally, he noticed us the only week in which there wasn't a Korean guy sitting directly behind him giving him backrubs.

Millustration (A Simile to Scratch your Skull): David Archuletta is like Clay Aiken. Archie will ALSO finish as American Idol runner-up because the girls ALSO think he's really cute..but when his moment of glory fades, people will ALSO wonder if he's gay. The only difference? ...one of them is Mormon and one of them is Invisible.

MillBoard Charts Song of the Day: In honor of Simon Cowell, I've decided to choose "Bleeding Love" as the Song of the Day. HOWEVER, I'm going to choose the Jesse McCartney version over the much more popular (and better) Leona Lewis version! Jesse co-wrote this song with OneRepublic frontman and missionary kid Ryan Tedder. Sure, Jesse sings the song like a wimpy hemophiliac, but still, let's give the man some props.

Milligan (Something I would do over): In 7th grade, I got a detention for doing a series of X-Pac kicks on a kid in gym class. I haven't seen the kid since 8th grade, but boy would I love to apologize to him.

MillBox:
Question: What do you think of my no-hitter last night? ~Jonathan Lester, Boston MA
Miller: It was incredible. You may walk an awful lot of guys, but last night you showed the world that chemotherapy might be a better performance-enhancer than steroids. Kids everywhere should be standing in front of the microwave hoping to put a little bit more zip on their fastball.

Joses Ho's HoBag:
Question: Joses, since you're an expert in romance...how would you approach a beauty queen? ~Pathetic in Providence
Joses: This one's easy. I would go on youtube and watch clips of her pageants...get to know her a bit. That should be enough to get you through a date.

Millage People Shout-out: Mad props to Didier for almost making dreams come true. (See previous item).