5/31 Tuesday Milligan

Milligan: When people buy their first exercise machine, it's usually something that simulates running or biking because those activities are particularly helpful for losing weight and staying svelte...but without leaving your house and allowing people see how out of shape you are or how winded you get (plus, you get to watch tv instead of looking trees).

But for me...my first exercise machine came way too early in life.  When I was in early elementary school (first or second grade), I was really into with Tae Kwon Do.  I was collecting stars (ironed-on star badges to put on my uniform) like there was no tomorrow and actually was student of the year at my local Tae Kwon Do academy.

But what exercise machine would allow me to best succeed in Tae Kown Do?

Apparently...I really needed work on my splits.

Yes. THOSE splits.

Essentially you sit down with your legs in stirrups and slowly but surely you pull a lever to increase the angle of your legs until you get to a full 180 degree angle....

Just look at these pictures, reread the previous sentence, and then agree with me that this was probably the most useless piece of exercise equipment ever designed!

I'm not sure how much my parents paid for this thing.  I can't even remember if I was the one who wanted it OR if some sleazy instructor at the Tae Kwon Do academy touted the machine's utility!

All I know is...I could really use a treadmill or elliptical right now.  BUT instead of wowing you with a slender figure...I can only hope to wow you with the flexibility of a high school cheerleader!

Moral of the Story: Never buy a split machine...unless you want to buy mine.