7/29 Friday Friendzone: End-of-Life Edition

This week's topic is a bit morbid, but incredibly thought-provoking.  It was so intriguing that I have invite 8 of my friends into my friendzone this week AND...for the first time ever, I will also include my answers to the questions!  So without further ado, here we go:


1. What age would you like to live until? Why?
Scottyi: Until tomorrow. Jk, but only slightly. I think the only wish I have concerning the timing of my death is that I'd like it to be after my parents pass away. I think losing your child has to be the worst kind of suffering. Other than that... whatevs. I'm a believer in Philippians 1:23. Miller, if it does happen soon, you can have my rice cooker.
Lily: 90 or so.  But I want to be one of the 'young old,' not the 'old old.'  Those are actual terms in development psychology classes!
Georgea: If I had to choose...If I have kids, I'd rather die older - at least old enough to see grandkids 'cause it'll be fun to see how two generations down are.  If not, no preference - whenever my work is done.
thetotoromonster: old enough so that it's not "a pity" that i died (at least 50-60?). my parents invested so many resources into me while i was growing up; now, i want to make the most of their investment and die after i have done something useful in my life!!
Joses: 64. That means I will die in the year 2046. Which happens to be a good film.
Annamelon: 91.  I actually don't wanna live that long, but I feel like I'm limiting my potential if I were to say I wanna die in my 80s, although I really think 87 sounds like a good age.  But really, I think it'd be fun to know my great-grandkiddos :)
Jimmy: 90s.  I want to be active throughout my life, so I can still be able to contribute to people mentally and emotionally in my final years. Also, It would be cool to hang out with my Great-Grandchildren.  Plus, I would totally love to play "old guy" a lot (pretend to forget things, wander into places and act confused.  Who said old age isn't fun?).
Angrygirl: What a morbid question. Honestly, I'm still getting over turning 23, which seems pretty old.
Miller: 75. It gives me enough time to probably see at least one grandchild even if my granddaughter or grandson's wife chooses to be a career woman.  Not sure if senior discounts kick in at 65 or 70, but 5-10 years of doing things cheaply sounds good enough.

2. What would be your preferred cause of death? Why?
Scottyi: Mortally wounded while rescuing sex slaves from a unit of fully armed traffickers, with enough evidence gathered after my demise to eventually lead to the toppling of a trafficking empire.
Lily: I wish to die in battle.  For honor!
Georgea: Not anything sudden (like a heart attack, car crash, murder etc.); something my family could come to terms with gradually?  But it's not up to me, right?
thetotoromonster: in my sleep because it sounds peaceful. unfortunately, it's not so peaceful for the people who find me!!! >:D wow, especially if i live alone and it takes a few days to find my rotting body. gross.
Joses: Gunshot to the hippocampus. Death is instant and painless. Since that would mean that someone will have to commit murder, or that I will have to commit suicide, I'll settle for dying in my sleep.
Annamelon: Saving a small child from an oncoming bus.  Useful & instantaneous.
Jimmy: Ideally...I'm single (not my whole life) and decently fit when the end comes.  I would get some sort of disease that wouldn't be treatable.  I'd hitch a ride out to the rockies, and just head into the mountains and wander until it's my time.
Angrygirl: Isn't everybody just going to say "in my sleep, because it's painless"? A small part of me wonders if I'd want to die in a meaningful way (i.e., somehow bring attention to Christianity) but a larger part of me fears what that could look like.
Miller: Executed for being a Christian....but honestly, I'm holding out for the rapture....so I'd like my obituary to say I "mysteriously vanished" and my clothing fell into a nice neat pile.

3. If money were no object, what would you want your last meal to be?
Scottyi: When I was a kid, there were a couple pharmacies that used to sell these pieces of gum shaped like bright rocks. They were packed in miniature milk cartons, and you'd open the cartons and shake the gum into your mouth. I once went online to try to find what the candy was called, but I never could. It'd be nice to have that again. Also, a dozen carnival elephant ears.
Lily: Some famous person was once asked what he would do if he knew it was his last day on earth.  He said I would work in my garden.  I think I'd do the same; therefore, I want my last meal to be a salad.
Georgea: The real mama kim's (my mama) cooking.  Something that involves kimchi.
thetotoromonster: well, then... this would be really strange because it would mean that i would be able to anticipate the hour of my death, like Jesus (who could also anticipate his resurrection - what foresight!)!  i don't know.  i think this question doesn't make sense in my head because i'm not Christ-like enough in the area of foresight-of-hour-of-death.
Joses: 10 course Chinese wedding dinner.
Annamelon: Appetizer of fried calamari.  Main entree(s) would consist of pad thai w/ extra peanuts, legit Mexican tacos al pastor, sushi (maybe some spider rolls or dragon rolls), and eggplant parmesan.  Dessert would start with tiramisu cheesecake and end with some juicy, plump red mangoes.  Oh, and this would all be accompanied by some mango mojitos b/c I love alcoholic drinks that taste like fruity toothpaste.
Jimmy: Seafood feast.  Since my fish allergy has progressed over time, I haven't eaten seafood in 11 years.  Lobster, Crab Cakes, peel-and-eat Shrimp, Clam Chowder.  YES.
Angrygirl: I guess I'd want to eat things I grew up with-- a bowl of white rice, my mom's tomato ox-tail soup, bowl of nikujaga (Japanese dish w/ carrots, potatoes, and beef), and a bowl of fruit (specifically raspberries, blackberries, mangoes, nectarines, pineapples, and watermelon). Drink would be some unsweetened iced tea.
Miller: I'm gonna hafta say Brazilian BBQ in Mainland China...to ensure that it would have Peking Duck and meats that white men do not touch.

4. Assuming that you're married, would you rather outlive your spouse or your spouse outlive you? 
Scottyi: My wife should definitely be the first to go. I'd be strong enough and courageous enough to make peace with my loss in the twilight of my years, but for my lover, she'd be so incredibly distraught at my passing that she'd lose the will to live, unable to cease from her grieving and instead becoming a real life Miss Havisham. (One of the few literary references I know you know, Miller)
Lily: I guess I'd rather my spouse outlived me... but that would be difficult since I'm very healthy and probably going to live for so long.
Georgea: Depends.  If I die young, be outlived; if I die old, outlive.
thetotoromonster: i would rather outlive my spouse so i can be bear the burden of grieving and so i can take care of him until the very end.  also, i love telling stories! if i outlive my spouse, he can count on his remembrance via my story-telling abilities!
Joses: Outlive me? I thought my wife gets interred with me in my pyramid, along with my children, cats, and those who read this blog.
Annamelon: Selfishly, I would want my spouse to outlive me.  I'm pretty needy and probably wouldn't know how to get by without him.
Jimmy: Outlive my spouse.  I would rather I go through the pain of that loss instead of her.
Angrygirl: If I'm being selfish, I would want my spouse to outlive me. HOWEVER, if my spouse is someone who seems really helpless on his own (e.g., can't take care of finances, can't cook for beans, can't take loneliness) then.. it might be comforting to outlive him if only because I'd know he didn't die in pathetic circumstances. If I felt lonely I could go buy a dog/cat, or bother my kids/grandkids, and in general be a sassy old person who doesn't take attitude from anybody.
Miller: Hmmm...I think if I outlived my wife, I'd be a wreck and be totally nonfunctional for at least a year.  So, while I wish I could say the opposite, I'd rather my wife outlive me.  Plus, I absolutely cannot stand eating alone.  It drives me crazy, I just can't eat.

5. What do you want on your tombstone (not pizza)?
Scottyi: I want to be cremated, and while everyone is enjoying the truffle carpaccio hor d'oeurvres at my wake, a video will play of me posthumously telling everyone that they've been punked, as there's nothing in the urn since my ashes were mixed into the truffle sauce. If I had to have a tombstone for the purposes of this question, I'd want my tombstone to be a marble statue of an astronaut wrestling a giant space squid, and underneath it says, "Here lies Scottyi, Hero of the 2nd Moon Monster Wars."
Lily: Definitely T. S. Eliot.  The greatest writer of our age.

We shall not cease from explorationAnd the end of all our exploringWill be to arrive where we startedAnd know the place for the first time.A condition of complete simplicity(Costing not less than everything)And all shall be well andAll manner of thing shall be wellWhen the tongues of flame are in-foldedInto the crowned knot of fireAnd the fire and the rose are one.

Georgea:  I don't know if I want to be buried.  Cremation?
thetotoromonster: i want it to be prominent so that my descendants will never forget where i'm buried!! i never knew how my mom remembered where my great-aunt was buried.  i haven't really thought far enough to decide what's on my tombstone.  i'll probably pull a J.K. Rowling and have a well-chosen Bible verse.  kinda makes me sad to think about it, but now it's on my to-do list (just in case).
Joses: My sarcophagus in my pyramid should have hieroglyphics around it depicting my various achievements, like when I completed Sonic the Hedgehog II.
Annamelon: I haven't decided if I want a tombstone.  I would like to be cremated and spend as little money on my funeral as possible, since really, it seems like it'd make more sense to spend money on other people who are still living.  But I guess a small tombstone would be nice so that loved ones could visit it?  If I actually did have a tombstone, maybe something to the effect of "Beloved child of God"
Jimmy: "Loving Son, Brother, Husband, Father, and Friend.  Loved by God." or "He lived, he loved, he dominated."
Angrygirl: I haven't done anything amazing (yet?) to warrant a shoutout on my tombstone. I guess I'd want to highlight my family and that I was (hopefully) a faithful believer. On my Tombstone brand pizza I would like pepperoni, mushrooms, and peppers, please.
Miller: "Shared the Gos-pel like it was Gos-sip"....okay maybe not that.  I prefer something like "Miller passionately believed that there was nothing more important in life than to follow God and help others follow God."

It's a good thing I probably won't be remembered most for blogging, otherwise my tombstone might read: "Miller outlived 50 different blogs that he could only maintain for a few weeks at a time.  His greatest blog, the Daily Millings, died on 7/29/2011 after a great two month run."  Yes, that last line is for real.  The Daily Millings are now dead.  All donations should be made out to the Mormon YouTube Channel and ChristianMingle.com.  Feel free to give a eulogy in the comments section below.

About the Panelists: If you strike Scottyi down, he shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. His website is www.sacredraisincakes.com. / Lily is an INTJ who prefers the library to every other building on campus.  She likes puzzles, classical music, and chess.  Her favorite thing to do online is stalk people on facebook and fill out her google calendar. / Georgea is a student at Brown. / thetotoromonster - is she prepared for heaven and death? we'll let God decide. *dun dun dun* / Joses turns 27 very soon. He tweets at www.twitter.com/jacuzzijo. / Annamelon wants her funeral to be a big party where everyone wears bright colors, eats great food, laughs gregariously, and celebrates how awesome Jesus is, because she's gonna be upstairs kickin' it with the Big Guy. / Jimmy believes in life after love, and love after life. (and is still on his road trip) / Angrygirl laments the death of Daily Millings. / Miller totally thought this would be the most clever way to announce the death of the Daily Millings.  He would like to thank all his loyal readers for their support 2 months out of every 3 years!!!

Tombstone of the Daily Millings: "Some say life is a marathon...BUT a sprint is almost always more entertaining."

7/22 Friday Friendzone: (One) Word Association Edition

Hi.


1. What do you think of Google PLUS?

Scottyi: arriviste
thetotoromonster: Unknown :( (Nobody invited me!!)
Joses: Meh.
Angrygirl: Boring
(Y)MC: Useless

2. What do you think of women pastors?
Scottyi: qualifications...
thetotoromonster: Unknown :( (Raised Catholic and Ren doesn't have any!)
Joses: Acceptable.
Angrygirl: Maybe
(Y)MC: Interesting

3. What do you think of professional wrestling?
Scottyi: schadenfraude
thetotoromonster: Miller :(
Joses: Greasy.
Angrygirl: Sweaty (Smelly was a runner up)
(Y)MC: Staged

4. Who will be the next president of the United States?
Scottyi: tergiversator
thetotoromonster: Unknown :( (Barely follows politics and doesn't follow politicians)
Joses: Obama.
Angrygirl: 2012 - Obama; 2016 - Pleasesomebodynotassociatedwiththeteaparty
(Y)MC: Palin

5. What do you think of Interracial Relationships?
Scottyi: parents...
thetotoromonster: YoungAsianWomen+OldWhiteMen :(
Joses: Sexy.
Angrygirl: Jarring
(Y)MC: Skewed

About the Panelists: Scottyi is something. / thetotoromonster is a Last-minute-concoction :( / Joses is Fresh. / Angrygirl is milling. / (Y)MC is unhealthy.

7/15 Friday Friendzone: Flirty Edition

1. Are you a flirt?
Joses: Yes.
Annamelon: So I've been told.  But I'm not really trying.  When I was younger, I think I was just naively over-friendly.  Now, I think I'm just sassy.
Angrygirl: I don't try to be but I think sometimes my friendliness can be interpreted as flirting...
Kim: complicated question, but the simple answer is no.  however, i have been known to flirt a lot with guys i'm dating.  plus those lighthearted, delightful guys for whom flirtation as their way of communicating and who don't put too much stock in it.
Scottyi: Nah, I wouldn't describe myself as flirtatious.  I do like to tease people, though.  I think there's a difference--flirting at its root is complementary to the other person, such as giving someone an excessive amount of attention or laughter--while teasing seems to me to be a nicer way to say something critical.  Of course there's also a difference between teasing someone and being a tease: the latter is definitely a form of flirtation while the former isn't.

2. What is your favorite method of flirtation?
Joses: I will not reveal my secret tricks here. I will say, however, that I believe in leaving the interested party in the D.U.S.T. -> Deliberately Unresolved Sexual Tension.
Annamelon: I don't typically flirt intentionally ... so I donno ... I guess my favorite is the natural, nonchalant way ?!  Or I guess what people usually misinterpret for flirting is when I compliment them for how amazing they are in some way (some skill - like being able to hold a very hot pizza pan w/ bare hands, or some physical aspect - like nice hair, some interest they're pursuing - like how cool DJing is) ... so maybe that's a good one?!
Angrygirl: Teasing/making fun of the person. Actually, I kinda do this to most people. It's funny and it usually gives me a good gauge of someone's personality and whether they can take stuff like that. Sometimes I punch people to show my affection for them. ... :D
Kim: talking... texting... mindgames... feigning anger... playful push... making my adorable innocent faces...
Scottyi: Writing messages to each other.  I guess the easiest way to do this is by text; it can be cute when you're in the same room together and you're trying to keep other people from noticing.  But I also love the physicality of just handing a sheet of paper back and forth with scribbles on it.  I like writing down really corny lines such as... "Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?"  Gets 'em every time! ;p

3. Should flirting be limited to just the people you might have genuine romantic interest in?
Joses: No. Why else do we call it flirting?
Annamelon: Nah, at least not the kind of "flirting" I do.  I think you should definitely flirt with your servers at restaurants.  You'll prolly get better service, and you brighten their day :)  Hm, or maybe the opposite is true ... if you're a server, you should flirt with your customers so that you brighten their day, and get a bigger tip!  But if you're actually flirting in the I-think-you're-super-cute-and-super-amazing-and-totally-want-to-go-on-a-date-with-you way, then yes ... limit it to only the person you actually wanna go on a date with.  Duh.
Angrygirl: I used to think so. However I know someone (cough Miller cough) who flirts with waitresses (AND WAITERS) to get good customer service or discounts. I have begun using this ploy but only in selected circumstances.
Kim: flirting is a continuum - there's a range between friendly and flirty.  i might venture over into the more flirtatious side if the guy i'm talking to also interacts with the opposite sex in a flirty way just for fun.  as long as it's all in good fun and there's no misunderstanding.
Scottyi: Why would you flirt with someone whose affection you don't want?!  This confuses me greatly.  The only answer that comes to mind is if you're someone with low self-esteem and you desperately want people to like you--in which case it begins to make a ton of sense why girls would teach other how to play mind games.  That being said, I think you can have "genuine romantic interest" in a girl you're meeting for the first time and you want to put yourself out there, which leads me to think it's ok to flirt in a social situation where you're trying to make a good first impression.

4. Is there such a thing as over-flirting?
Joses: In theory, no. Because even if your over-flirting makes you look desperate and unattractive to your target, there's a way to turn it around... with some time and patience. In practice, of course, you want to avoid this.
Annamelon: If you're batting your eyelashes and giggling incessantly ... it's too much.  Or if you're complimenting the person and they clearly look uncomfortable and are trying their very best not to run away from you ... yah, it's prolly too much.
Angrygirl: Yeah. Most people feel awesome when someone flirts with them until they discover that the person is a serial flirter. Then it just becomes meaningless, sort of like the boy who cried wolf except less dangerous and sad.
Kim: definitely.  some people are just too obvious.  it's supposed to be subtle.
Scottyi: Emphatically yes.  I've met lots of people who over-flirt because they don't know how naturally flirtatious they actually are--these are usually very friendly / talkative / expressive / bubbly personalities who are only trying to be nice.  Well, to them I say it's your burden to carefully watch yourself and make sure you keep good boundaries with the opposite sex, or else there's a point where you're just trying to be a tease.  I've seen it happen so many times, when someone misreads an over-flirtist's friendliness and ends up getting burned.  Only YOU can prevent flirtist fires.

5. Are there any modes of flirtation that are a dead giveaway that the flirter really likes the flirtee?
Joses: The long-form flirt is such an example.  What is the long-form flirt? Basically, it's a teasing line that builds upon prior context and contact with the flirtee. Example --> Girl: "Hey, Guy, you've got a nice necktie on. Baby blue, my favorite color." Guy: "Thanks, I try to color match my boxers and my ties." Cheeky wink from Guy.
Two days later, Girl saunters up to Guy and asks, "So, were those boxers you were wearing the other day, were they really blue?"
Annamelon: No.  Boys should just come out straight and say what they're thinking, ie: "I think you're great.  Can I take you out to dinner sometime?"  Although, those cheesy pick-up lines are often a good indicator of interest, ie: (looking at your shirt's tag) "Oh, just like I thought ... made in Heaven."  Sadly, I think I could really fall for one of those cheesy pick-up lines.
Angrygirl: Modes of flirtation? What is this, love languages? What matters more is how much attention you're getting relative to others, not what kind of "mode of flirtation" the person is using.
Kim: giggling too much... paying attention only to that one person... acting completely out of character... looking at the person too much...
Scottyi: I have a lady friend who used to tell me all the time about how lonely she gets and how she wants to be in a relationship and how marriage is always on her mind.  I thought this was a signal that she was open to pursuing something, but as it turns out she'd rather be lonely than share my company.  So... if there's any dead giveaways, I certainly wouldn't know what they are!!

About the Panelists: Joses thought you might be trying to catch his eye from across the room. He tweets at www.twitter.com/jacuzzijo. / Annamelon has days where she accepts the fact that she is a shameless flirt.  And other days, she adamantly holds to the belief that she is simply a social, engaging, friendly person. / Angrygirl, in her young childhood days, used to think flirting was a move in hula dancing. / Kim has a huge crush on soterios johnson from npr.  she likes watching ke$ha interviews and action movies.  even her mom asks her for relationship advice, so she must know something. / Scottyi doesn't have any moves.  That's why he's horrible at flirting, basketball, and chess.  This sad creature's website is www.sacredraisincakes.com.

7/8 Friday Friendzone: Physical Fitness Edition

1. How often do you exercise? Be Honest!

Shhhh...I hide in Scottyi's mancave.

CSJ: I exercise maybe once a week, but it is usually offset by subsequent unnecessary overeating and powerade binges. 
Lily: Every other day for about 40 minutes + cooldown.  I run a leisurely 4 miles.  Not like last semester when I also did stairs (up to the 7th story) and pushups AND situps.  What happened to me??
Scottyi: Twice a week in my man cave.  And it's a real man cave too, none of that high def entertainment system baloney, it's down in my moldy basement in the boiler room, looking like a hideaway for trolls.  I have a poster of a t-rex.
Annamelon: During the school year, I usually go to the gym 2-3x a week.  Sometimes, 4x.
Joses: I cycle uphill to my lab every week day. About 2 minutes of intense peddling.

2. What's your favorite type of exercise or workout?

CSJ: I love playing basketball on a lowered hoop. There's nothing like reliving the days of real-life NBA Jam with everyone having Scottie Pippen-like stats.

Lily: Running.  Outside only.  I feel bad that I'm paying for that big college gym to be there and not using it, but I hate treadmills and swimming is a pain.
Scottyi: My main routine is bench press, shoulder press, pull ups, and sit ups.  I don't get as much cardio in as I'd like, but when I do my favorite workout would be a game of basketball.  It's not as monotonous as running / biking, and I love that feeling of being bathed in my own sweat, unable to walk with sore legs and huge blisters on my feet.  Trash-talking people bigger than me is also a good time.
Annamelon: Swimming, for sure, although I rarely do since the Brown pool has super random hours.  I usually default to the elliptical. 
Joses: Like all good Chinese men, we follow Bruce Lee's workout regime.
Bruce Lee's "Lethal Physique" Bodybuilding Program (performed on Tues, Thurs and Sat):
Exercise                        Sets       Repetitions
Clean & Press                 2               8
Squats                          2              12
Pullovers    2              8
Bench Presses                2               6
Good Mornings               2               8
Barbell Curls                  2               8

Apparently Bruce did his good mornings with 125 Lbs on the bar. That's what you gotta do to kick Chuck Norris' butt.

3. How will you know when you've reached your desired level of physical fitness?
CSJ: When my clothes rip when I flex, not when I bend over
Lily: I'm happy with where I'm at right now, but I do have a small goal.  I want somewhat toned arms.  Not like, unfeminine, but just a slight bicep when I flex, y'know?
Scottyi: When women stop rejecting me.
Annamelon: When I've got a six-pack (or just rock-hard abs), sexy shins (I have traumatic experiences with shin splints) & enviable calf muscles (sometimes I really wonder if maybe I'm just missing my gastrocnemius or soleus muscles).  Really though, I don't really think I'm in danger of ever "arriving" at my ideal physical fitness - so I shall continue to strive to run a bit further/longer and lift heavier things.
Joses: When just eating one more calorie a day causes my side-abs to disappear under a microlayer of fat.

4. On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being extremely important and 1 being not important at all): To you, how important is the physical fitness of your significant other?
CSJ: 6. It's nice to have a partner when playing sports. Also if she's physically fit, she will most likely live longer. Thus, we can spend more time eating unhealthy, yet delicious food.
Lily: 10.  That doesn't mean the person needs to exercise at a level of ten, it just means that SOME level of fitness, even running 20 minutes 3x a week is VERY important.  I actually don't find super built guys attractive...

Scottyi: To you, how important is the physical fitness of your significant other?

I don't care how often they exercise, as long as they exercise humility.  Oh snap!  Yeah that's right, I turned this question into another opportunity to rant about the double standards of post-feminism.  I bet you twenty bucks that more guys are willing to date below their physical standard, while more women are likely to answer "BOTH" to the question of brains or brawn.  That's because girls have the freedom to choose... while guys have the freedom to initiate awkward conversations asking if you'll date me. 
Annamelon: 7.  I am the first one to admit that I love food - especially food that is "unhealthy," but I try to practice moderation because I think we need to be responsible with the bodies God gave us.  Aside from the principle of stewardship, I would be angry if my hubby died or was incapacitated at age 50 because of conditions he could have avoided - by eating/drinking in moderation, exercising regularly, not smoking, etc.
Joses: I'd have to go with a 4. As long as she can keep up with me and enjoy herself in physical activity.... like a pick-up sport. But she can't be so unfit she can't water 10 camels.
(If you're not familiar with the account of Rebecca in the Jewish Scriptures... Rebecca fills the trough for the camels of Isaac's servant by the well. A camel can drink 30 - 50 gallons of water. 10 camels would drink at least 300 gallons. Which weighs 1140 kg, or 2500 lbs. So Rebecca carried, back-and-forth from the well, the equivalent of 16 grown men, or 1 normal-sized cow. That's pretty fit.) Ref: Genesis 24

5. If you could get a transplant of any body part from another (real) living human being, what would it be and from who?
CSJ: Nadal's arms. But I'd feel like Goro having 4 unequally-sized arms.
Lily: I LIKE MYSELF THE WAY I AM
Scottyi: I like me.  I think we shouldn't let commercial standards of beauty rob us of our God-given dignity and value.  But if I HAD to choose for the sake of this  question, I suppose it would be nice to replace my Asian liver with one that wasn't deficient in ALDH2 enzymes.  I look like Hellboy after 3 drinks. 
Annamelon: I would take Elaine Tran's calves.  My first thought went to Miller or Hando (Ryan Handoko) for their enviable calves, but they're a bit too bulky and manly for me.  E-tran has (or at least from what I remember when we used to see each other regularly) amazingly toned and well-defined calves.
Joses: For the sake of this question, I'm going to pick something neither my genes nor my willpower can bestow upon me. I'd like, at least, to be able to grow more facial hair. I'm gonna go with Takeshi Kaneshiro -  Kinda reminds me of Johnny Depp.

About the Panelists: CSJ spends his free time striking comets and writing about things for humor's sake. He also enjoys Sunset Cantina and long walks on Beach St. near Hing Shing Pastry. / Lily is an INTJ who prefers the library to every other building on campus.  I like puzzles, classical music, and chess.  My favorite thing to do online is stalk people on facebook and fill out my google calendar. / Scottyi once dated girl taller than him, so how's that for not being superficial?! His website is www.sacredraisincakes.com  / Annamelon is currently sick for the third time in two weeks.  Forget being fit, she just wants to be healthy. / Joses Ho remembers a time when being pale and overweight was a symbol of one's aristocratic wealth and means, which meant you never had a shortage of dames who would fancy having dinner with you, but being tan, lean, and muscular doomed you to never getting a date. Good times.

6/24 Friday Friendzone: Summer Edition

Welcome back to the Friendzone, the most must-read segment on this blog!  This week marked the first official week of summer...so I got some of my friends together to ask them about what they think of summer.


1. Is summer the best season?
Scottyi: I feel pretty bad for those spoiled people who can't appreciate all 4 seasons... it means that they're depressed for 3/6/9 months out of the year. I love the breeze in autumn, the harsh fury of winter snowstorms, the beautiful week of tree blossoms in spring, and the warm rain of summer. It's all special and we must thank our Creator for every precious moment of His glorious creation. Also, I like summer because I look awesome in wife beaters.
Angrygirl: Duh. Watermelon, peaches, nectarines, pineapple, strawberries all in season. On the East Coast, people naturally gravitate outside and become social, hanging out at free events or farmers' markets. On the West Coast, it's the best time to go to the beach or jump in a friend's pool. And on a certain day in the summer I also get cake and candles.
(Y)MC: Summer is sometimes the best season, except when the weather gets to be too hot to wear even just shorts and a thin t-shirt. But I'll take summer over snow...any day!
Lily: Nope and I've never understood why so many people like it. It's the worst because you have to work a summer job and it's really hot.  Doing homework is more fun than entry-level jobs, and way more of your friends are around during the school year.  Also the sun hates people because it glares at them with its burning eye like Sauron.
Joses: Caveat - I grew up in the tropics, which is either summer all year long, or no summer at all, depending on the way you see things. I personally have an affinity for winter. There's something bracing about the cold and the dark that gets me more pensive (and intellectually more productive) than the summer. In my experience, the freedom offered by summer fools me into thinking I can get more done in those months - more reading, more thinking, more partying, more shopping etc. That's just not true.

2. What is the best summer song of all time?
Scottyi: 90s West Coast rap songs--windows down, subwoofer turned all the way up. Feeling so pimp. If you want something low key, Dr. Dre's "Nuthin' But a 'G' Thang" is perfect for driving down the road at sunset. Coolio's "Fantastic Voyage" hits the sweet spot when you're on your way to a party.
Angrygirl: Surfaris -- Wipeout
(Y)MC: Two great summer songs: Bananarama - Cruel Summer and DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - Summertime. I would've included that LFO song about Chinese food and Abercrombie. But since you (Miller) alluded to it in an earlier post, I don't want to take anything away from your credibility as a blogger and diminish your earnings from blogging.
Lily: Is this like, music you listen to on the radio?  I don't know any summer songs but recently I've been feeling the soundtrack to Wicked...
Joses: Two songs come to mind (It's summer, I'm allowed two instead of just one tune.)
Summer of '69 - Bryan Adams: Why does summer inevitably equate to long-lost youth, first loves, and (ultimately) sheer happiness? It's thanks to the perfect piece of rock Bryan Adams composed in the 80s. Ironically, this song makes us nostalgic not for the late 60s, but for the 80s.
Stereo Love - Vika Jigulina and Edward Maya: This track wafts over the shore like a warm sea breeze, caressing your hair as you snooze again on the deck chair. Ed and Vika have bottled summer up in here.

3. What is the most must-see movie of the summer?
Scottyi: I hated the first two Fast & Furious movies, but ever since Justin Lin took it over it's become cinematic brilliance. "Fast 5" was the best entry in the series, which is probably the first time you could say that about a part 5. The cool thing about the franchise is that it's both retrogressive and progressive: retro because it harkens back to the old school action movies of musclebound machismo with codes of honor, but progressive because these movies are "post-racial." The cast is culturally diverse, and while enemies are often from different ethnic backgrounds, no one ever succumbs to racial slurs. Out of the entire 10-man crew in "Fast 5," Paul Walker is the only white guy...! That's amazing.
Angrygirl: Duh. HARRY POTTER LAST MOVIE EVER :((((((
or, Glee Live! 3D! (yes those exclamations are part of the title). Just kidding, Glee sucks and jumped the shark a long time ago.
(Y)MC: Summer blockbusters... My favorites are "I Know What You Did Last Summer" (1997), "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer" (1998), "I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer" (2006, straight to video release), and the forthcoming "I'll Always Forever and Ever Know What You Did Last Summer as well as What You'll Do Next Summer" (2012?).
Lily: HARRY FRICKIN POTTER
Joses: I'll give four answers to the four different ways you can read this question.
a. Best movie to be ever released in the summer blockbuster season - Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight.
b. Best movie released in this current summer blockbuster season - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II. It's the end of an era.
c. Best movie about summer - A close friend of mine recommends Across The Universe.
d. Best movie(s) to watch during summer - Lord of The Rings Extended Trilogy. When else are you gonna find the time?!

4. Do you think tanning enhances or depreciates physical appearance?
Scottyi: I'm not attracted to the tanned look. It looks like girls are trying too hard. And then there's the tanning that goes so overboard that their skin literally looks orange--they look like giant oompa-loompas. Gross, ladies. Have fun with your skin cancer.
Angrygirl: My mom brainwashed me to forever associate tanning with skin cancer. I might've thought she was overreacting if it hadn't been for the teen girly magazines that also said similar things with scary sounding words like "melanoma." As a result I apply sunscreen regularly (although I tend to forget my arms, so my arms are perpetually darker than my face). Now the choice is between being tan/possibly-seriously-sick vs. pale/looking-sickly. It's a tough life.
(Y)MC: Tanning never made sense to me. Yes, you end up looking darker... but at the expense of increasing your risk of getting skin cancer/melanoma? Completely not worth it. You can do your future generation(s) a huge favor though by combining your genes with those of a person with a darker skin complexion, e.g. Asians, Africans, Hispanic/Herspanic people, etc. (White person, please note.)
Lily: I wish we were back in the 1800s when not tanned skin was more in!  It's so much healthier for people not to tan!
Joses: I think most people would agree having a tan, that wasn't obtained through tanning lotion or lying in front of light bulbs, is physically attractive. But you have to balance that with the risk of skin cancer. So the best way to get a tan is through hereditary means - have a mother and a father who both have naturally darker skin. Which, unfortunately, is beyond your means now.....

5. Summer Fling: Good or Bad Idea?
Scottyi: Summer's the best time to set up really great date ideas (campfire, walks on the beach, lying on your roof staring at the stars). But it's also the time when people are in very fragile transitional periods--people are getting ready to move, or on vacation, or on temp jobs. So if you're looking for something long-term while you're in a temporary situation, that seems like a recipe for disaster to me.  Best to have a "Roman Holiday" mentality: enjoy the time for what it is, but don't let your expectations get the better of you.
Angrygirl: Fling schmling. Relationships shouldn't be seasonal.
(Y)MC: As a rule of thumb, summer flings are always, always, always good ideas as long as nobody gets pregnant. And who knows, sometimes summer flings can turn into lasting and meaningful relationships that may or may not include pregnancy along the way.
Lily: Been there, done that.  Mixed feelings, but I did learn a lot.
Joses: Yes, It's time for another Good Idea/Bad Idea!
This question gets most people hot and bothered, because of the word "fling". If someone asked you, "Is a Summer Romance/Courtship a good idea?", of course you'd say "Yes!" So, the real question is, are flings a good idea at all? This is a question that merits more attention than I can give it now. Suffice to say, if you're OK with having a fling at all (whatever a fling might mean to you), then there's nothing wrong with a Summer Fling.
No one talks about a Winter Fling. Isn't it a better idea? What better way to pass the dark and cold than in someone else's warm arms? And you can dump them after they've put on all that Christmas fat.

About the Panelists:
Scottyi is excited because he just took his wife beater out of the drier. His website is www.sacredraisincakes.com / Angrygirl becomes less angry after hanging out on the beach. / (Y)MC is a son, brother, and husband. During his spare time, he enjoys long walks on the beach, authentic Taiwanese food, and streaming movies online. He believes almost all heterosexual inter-racial relationships are severely skewed, favor the white man, and consequently further disenfranchise the Asian male demographic group. As such, he has embarked on a personal mission to restore the balance in the world of inter-racial love-making. / Lily is an INTJ who prefers the library to every other building on campus.  I like puzzles, classical music, and chess.  My favorite thing to do online is stalk people on facebook and fill out my google calendar. / Joses grew up in Singapore, where it's pretty much summer all year round. Kinda boring, if you ask him. He tweets regularly at www.twitter.com/jacuzzijo. 

6/10 Friday Friendzone: Battle of the Sexes (Part 1)

Welcome back to my friendzone...where escape is nearly impossible!


This week we begin a 2-part series called Battle of the Sexes with an all-male panel responding to questions about the female kind...and next week we'll hear what females have to say about the guys!  Man...I can just feel the testosterone already....

1. What is your understanding of PMS?

Scott: It's one of those things that really separates the female condition from the male experience--hormonal chaos in a monthly ritual of biological entrapment.  I will never understand what it feels like to have an egg pass through my body and be sucked into a tampon in one bloody reminder of reproductive potentiality.  So on the one hand, I do sympathize with women for the burden their bodies place on them.  But on the other hand, I think there's few things in life more annoying and useless than trying to reason with a female in the middle of a mood swing.

Joses: PMS stands for Perpetual Menstrual Syndrome, contrary to a widespread and erroneous belief that the 'P' stands for 'pre'. In essence it refers to the state of being where one's emotions contradict facial expression, and where every word uttered is fraught with double meanings and hidden agendas. Note that this afflicts members of either gender.

(Y)MC: I think that's basically just like a few days of ridiculous hysteria and massive emotional instability that precedes the shedding of uterine lining in women. This occurs on a monthly basis and is typically synchronized to the waning and waxing of the moon. But to be honest, I don't really know. My wife can definitely more accurate and professional insights into this subject matter.

Jimmy: There is an imbalance of hormones because she was waiting to find out whether or not the stork was going to come visit later.  She finds out that the stork isn't coming to visit, and the extra hormones she had for the potential stork visit screws her up. Or some lame excuse like that, anyway.

Rob: Psychotic Mood Swings. Shortly followed by Potential Murder Suspect.

2. Is it true that girls are more mature than guys?

Scott: You know how girls peak at their early twenties, but guys can reach their peak much later in life?  For example, 40s Brad Pitt and George Clooney are way more dashing than their younger versions.  You know why that is?  It's physiologic irony due to the arrogance girls have in thinking they're more mature than guys: because they think they're so mature, girls' bodies age faster and their looks accordingly degrade at a rate directly proportional to their pretentiousness.

Joses: No. Although guys tend to be cheesier, a sign of the prolonged adolescence of our time. The real question is, whose cheesiness is more mature? That depends primarily what temperature you leave your cheesiness in.

(Y)MC: Assuming that age(male) = age(female), I suppose it is generally accepted that maturity(female) > maturity(male). But I'd like to emphasize an important point: maturity isn't necessarily a desirable characteristic (especially if your target audience is really, really young). Immaturity is the new sexiness, no?

Jimmy: I'm going to hear from this because of my occasional behavioral choices, but I think NO, girls are not more mature than guys.  I think that the society defines maturity as acting mature, or, more often, not acting immature.  I define maturity by the ability to react to any given situation (especially a difficult/adverse situation).  In my experience, at the same age group, guys are much better at dealing with tough situations than girls.  Sorry ladies (or maybe I've just hung out with extra manly men in my life.)  

Rob: Immaturity can present itself in many ways, but what grabs our attention is the loud & obnoxious kind. There could be just as many immature girls, they're just not as easy to spot. What is certain is this: a person's maturity doesn't necessarily increase with age.

3. Is it okay for a girl to "wear the pants" in the relationship?

Scott: It's ok for girls to offer solutions and best practices, what the guy should do is know when to defer to the knowledge of his female partner and when to trust his own decisions.  I think that's what male leadership should mean--humility to follow the counsel of others when appropriate.  Also, I know that some girls like to wear pants to show off their butts because they're superficial like that, but skirts are way cuter.  I love those T-Mobile 4G commercials with the girl in the pink dresses... she's adorable!!!  

Joses: In a relationship, you've gotta give her a reason to wear the dress. Like it was worn by Kate Middleton, or if it was designed by Vera Wang. Or like, she just looks great wearing that dress (That line usually works).

Although, if you're a male slave of the Amazons, you don't really have a choice. Just suck it up like a man, bro.

(Y)MC: Yes, I think it's okay for a girl to "wear the pants," but I try to make sure that I wear it more often than she does. But honestly, I think this whole pants-wearing thing should be equal opportunity amongst the two people in the relationship.

Jimmy: I believe that a girl can wear "some" pants, but I not "the" pants.  I grew up in a household with a very manly (John Wayne-ish) father, but also a very confident, outspoken mother.  For a man to lead doesn't require a woman to change who she is and blindly follow her male counterpart.  It means the guy MANS UP and leads, and the girl accepts that leadership.  This puts the pressure on the men to be good leaders and make good decisions (it's easy to be led by a good leader.  Men...Man up).

Rob: I find confidence in a woman very attractive, but the negative connotation commonly associated with this phrase makes me think of a controlling, insecure micro manager, which is . . . not attractive. A man needs to be a man.

4. Finish this statement: I hate it when girls....

Scott: Play mind games.  Don't lie to me, I know you do it, and I know you teach each other how to do it.  It's so repugnant to use such psychological tricks to manipulate unsuspecting, oblivious guys who are desperate for affection and thus will read into everything a cute girl does toward him.  They do it without even knowing they're doing it--making flirtatious jokes with a guy friend isn't friendship, it's irresponsible. 

Joses: step out of the house with wet hair. Freshly washed hair does smell nice but doesn't look great. Start early - give yourself time to blow/towel dry your crowning glory.

(Y)MC: get together and talk about stupid TV shows like Sex in the City and Lipstick Jungle (the latter of which I once watched religiously). I also hate it when girls talk about "oh my boyfriend did this..." or "ya my husband did that." SHUT YOUR FACE, WOMEN. And those guys need to stop being such over-achievers and making the rest of us look bad. Doesn't anyone honor the Bro Code these days?

Jimmy: Point out when they think they look unattractive in pictures.  For several reasons.  1- They're often WRONG.  2- Not everyone is photogenic ALL the time (well...maybe Joses).  3- Voicing a possible insecurity can often make you more insecure.  Come on, ladies, you're better (and better looking) than that.

Rob: ... are not authentic.   ... lack understanding/perspective.    ... are consumed with gossip.   ... flake out.

5. Finish this statement: I love it when girls....

Scott: Are into "guy stuff."  Sports, comic books, red meat and fast food, sci-fi movies and video games.  Not only does it mean that the girl has really good taste, but to me it's a mark of independence and a care-free spirit for a girl to be into things that aren't considered very appropriate for her.  I know "Smallville" is a mediocre TV show, but when a girl wants to watch the same crappy thing I do out of pure dork intentions, that's pretty sexy.  In a non-sexy kind of way, I suppose.

Joses: Smile.

(Y)MC: I love it when girls stay in the kitchen and cook delicious yet refined food. I also love it when girls nurture their skills in being or becoming a good, solid, and reliable domestic engineer -- responsibilities include, but are not limited to: cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, grocery shopping, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, taking out the trash, checking my children's homework, packing lunches, organizing carpools, writing thank-you notes, wrapping gifts, origami, etc.

Jimmy: Look attractive while dressing modestly.  It can show class, good decision making, and a confidence that they don't have to dress a certain way to get attention (...unless they're trying to get my attention).

Rob: ... are comfortable in their own skin.    ... are good listeners.     ... have clear and passionate goals.    ... have a confident, humble beauty about them.

About the Panelists:

Scott knows that guys are just as messed up as girls, if not more so--he just wants to make sure you know that girls are messed up too, alright?!  You can read more of his messed up opinions at sacredraisincakes.com. / Joses spent many a night sleeping in the same bed as Miller. He now lives and studies in Oxford. / (Y)MC is a son, brother, and husband. During his spare time, he enjoys long walks on the beach, authentic Taiwanese food, and streaming movies online. He believes almost all heterosexual inter-racial relationships are severely skewed, favor the white man, and consequently further disenfranchise the Asian male demographic group. As such, he has embarked on a personal mission to restore the balance in the world of inter-racial love-making. / Jimmy is a self-proclaimed "man among boys."  Not a pompous statement, just a job description.  / Rob is a freelance digital artist and musician. He would love for you to have a great day today.

6/3 Friday Friendzone: Social Snafus

Hey! Guess where you are?


That's right!  You're in MY Friendzone!  This week's topic is social snafus and etiquette featuring my friends: Scott, Angrygirl, melonhead, thetotoromonster, and Joses.  Let's see what they had to say about some of the social boo-boos we cannot find nearly enough band-aids for:

1. Which is worse: taking a phone call at dinner OR taking a phone call in the library?

Scott: Who actually studies in libraries anymore?  What kids call "studying" these days means spending half their time checking facebook or reading blogs.  Therefore, if you take a phone call in the library most of the people wouldn't even notice because they're too busy being amused by dailymillings.blogspot.com.  See what I did there?  Also, I like being able to take a phone call at dinner as a way to take a quick break from the exhausting social situation of having dinner with people you're not totally comfortable around.

Angrygirl: Chingchonglinglongtingtong? Setting aside my major issues with that UCLA chick, I agree that phone calls in the library are way worse. At dinner, it's slightly rude but more forgivable, especially if you aren't affecting the dynamic of your dinner companions, or you need to help someone find their way to the dinner, etc. But talking in the library is extremely rude, multiplied by fifty six billion when you are in the quiet zone of the library. Is it REALLY so important to coordinate with your bro on what's going down tonight that you have to broadcast your conversation to everyone who came to this place FOR QUIET? I am left with three choices: suffer in silence, glare and sigh loudly, or confront you in pseudo politeness. Make everyone's life easier and try this fancy new thing called texting. It's silent AND you can communicate!

melonhead: library. libraries are meant to be quiet. at dinner, you can easily excuse yourself for a sec and tell the person on the phone that you'll call 'em back later. or you can do what i do, and jus ignore the call. crappy cell phone reception is always a good excuse.

thetotoromonster: Taking a phone call at dinner, because dinner is quality time spent with others.  When you leave to answer a phone call, you will miss out on hanging out with your dinnermates.  Although the library is quiet, you can just walk elsewhere and you're not really leaving anybody behind.

Joses: Taking a phone call at dinner is worse. But if it's a terribly boring dinner that you want to get out of, take the call!

2. Which is worse: Talking on the phone while peeing OR texting while pooing?

Scott: I always get a sneaky sense of exhilaration from peeing while on the phone and curiously waiting to find out if the person on the other end notices.  They never do.  It's my little secret and no one will ever know!  Next time I call you, it's best to just assume that I'm urinating.

Angrygirl: Phones should not be in the bathroom, ever. I don't really enjoy hearing streams of urine in the background of our conversation, nor do I want to know that poo particles are potentially dancing on your Blackberry buttons. (There's a reason why the magazines being read in the bathroom are left in there-- because it would be gross to bring them outside and let it infect non-poo-contaminated surfaces. Same logic applies to phones). Also, I have a friend who broke her Blackberry by accidentally dropping it in the toilet. It's just not worth the risk. 

melonhead: ooo this is a toughie. texting is gross b/c you're actively touching your phone. which almost makes me say that talking on the phone is better b/c you can use a headset, to keep your phone free of potty-germs, but either way, the phone is in the bathroom ... so the lesser of two evils would be texting (why would you want to let someone hear you tinkling in the background?)

thetotoromonster: Talking while peeing, because other people will hear you wee-wee.

Joses: This is perhaps the only gender-biased question. It's a logistical and technical nightmare for guys to talk on the phone while peeing. Unless 1) you have a Bluetooth hands-free headset, which in this day and age means you're a dork, or 2) girls do pee standing up (now there's another question....). Otherwise, if you're a girl, it's basically the same thing. Just make sure your toilet sounds aren't audible. 

3. Is it okay to pick your nose during prayer in a church service?

Scott: Yes.  What's so bad about wanting to breathe out of your nostrils better?  If anyone sees you, then you can chide them for not being prayerful enough to have kept their eyes closed, or at least have their heads bowed.  I usually feel bad when, in the middle of prayer, I open my eyes and look around the room and notice some dude just blankly staring at the corner of the room, and then when we meet eyes it's like, man, I wanna accuse this guy of being disingenuous but that would be calling the kettle black, wouldn't it?  It's the Catch-22 of prayer slackers.

Angrygirl: No. You should be praying and focusing on talking to God. Picking your nose can wait. Plus, just because no one in church is watching doesn't mean God isn't....

melonhead: is it ever okay to pick your nose? no, not really. unless for some reason blowing your nose simply isn't cutting it (ie: your nose is too crusty), and you're en route to washing your hands immediately after.  and besides, some people (ie: me) sometimes pray w/ their eyes open.

thetotoromonster: I suppose it's all right but not recommended.  Maybe you won't be paying attention if you're picking your nose, and if somebody catches you, he/she might stop paying attention too.  Wait until later?

Joses: If you're Korean, yes. No one will notice in that frenzy of simultaneous non-silent prayer we call Korean Prayer.

4. In the hot summer months, what is the least ACCEPTABLE amount of clothing you should wear in the comforts of your own home?

Scott: I like the feeling of laying spread eagle on my sheets, naked as the day I was born, as a fan softly protects my body from the stifling summer humidity.  I guess the only reason why I wouldn't advocate home nudity is because of tinea cruris.  Look it up.  (Yeah, it'll be another 4 months before I pull another random factoid from my short-lived medical career)

Angrygirl: Doesn't matter how hot it is, what you wear at home should be okay to wear outside. So... shorts and shirt (along with underwear-- that should go without saying). I don't think taking off one thin layer really makes a difference. Just turn on the AC, blast the fan, or stick your head in the freezer.

melonhead: the way i see it is if you're by yourself at home, why not go commando? but like the first rule of nudism, always carry a towel!  personally though, i enjoy the security of feeling clothing against my skin, so i'm an advocate of minimal clothing during the summer at home: guys in shorts (but not the super short kind), and girls in soffes & spaghetti straps.

thetotoromonster: If you're in your home, how much clothing you wear isn't toosocial/public - but more private - so I think this depends on your living situation.  If I were walking around at my house in California (a.k.a. living with other people/my parents), I would at least wear a tank top and shorts, but when I was walking around my Keeney single last summer (a.k.a. living alone), I wore less.  In my apartment, it'll be back to the "living with others" rule.  Important note: it really matters how much other people see you wear.  Close the shades; also, put on clothes if you're answering the door.

Joses: As little as you are willing to be photographed in.

5. Which is the worse first date movie choice: Juno or Passion of the Christ?

Scott: At least with "Juno" you can transition into asking fun, if far-fetched questions that have some informative value--like, "What would you do if you had an unplanned pregnancy?"  "What do you fear most about pregnancy?"  "Is there a stupider term for friend than 'home slice'?"  Try getting a transition like that out of The Passion.  But on the other hand, maybe the girl will think you're SO sensitive and spiritual if she's sees you crying.  That seems to work all the time on Christian girls, they love that "sensitive" emo type.  But when you tear up you gotta make it look artful.  None of that shaky, moany, haphazardly suck-in-the-air theatrics, you need just the right amount of emasculation.

Angrygirl: I haven't watched Passion of the Christ, but I think it might be good to gauge how a potential significant other reacts to intense emotion, how high/low their violence threshold is, and how willing they are to take a risk and watch a movie that is reputed to be very intense. The only thing that makes Juno inappropriate is the teen pregnancy theme but otherwise it's fairly predictable in a off-beat indie kinda way. At least with Passion of the Christ you'll have lots to talk about...?

melonhead: juno. all i remember about it is that some teenager gets knocked up & then falls for some old guy?!  at least if you watch passion of the christ you guys can delve into deep, theological discussions and see if ya'll agree on the importance & validity of the Gospel. and ... he could potentially win her over by telling her how his love for her is like jesus' love for the church, b/c he's willing to lay down his life for her - yknow, by being mocked, beaten, tortured, humiliated, & crucified. or he might just really creep her out & lose any chance w/ her.

thetotoromonster: I haven't seen Passion of the Christ yet.  Actually, Ryan and I were planning to watch it together, so I can let you know how that date goes in comparison to watching Juno.  I don't really like Juno though.

Joses: If you're on a first date with Ellen Page, Juno is the biggest movie choice mistake you'll ever make. You're reminding her of her Oscar nomination for Best Actress, but she lost that prize to Marion Cotillard, her Inception co-star. (Which also eliminates Inception as another first date movie choice for you and Ellen.) An appropriate first date movie for you and Ellen would be Whip It.

If you're taking Monica Belluci out instead, Passion of the Christ is perfect, because a good part of Monica's film career is pretty erotically charged and wholly unsuitable for a first date.  (Although maybe the Passion is too. Andy Samberg and the Lonely Island crew thought so.) Another good first-date choice with Monica would be Astérix & Obélix: Mission Cléopâtre.

If, unlike me, you don't date Hollywood stars, Passion of the Christ is worse. Always go for the humorous movie. 

About the Panelists: Scott Yi is a seminary student and the author of sacredraisincakes.com.  His dream is to go the Special Olympics and boo all the contestants.  Which I guess means his dream is to crush other people's dreams. / Angrygirl is a DC yuppie. / melonhead is a sleep-deprived medical student with a cold, who is still achy from moving into her new apartment and is ecstatic that summer vacation is only one exam & less than 24 hours away. / thetotoromonster is a boring person who likes to take pictures of food, boyfriend, and squirrels. you can read more about her boring life and see more pictures of squirrels at yourveryownsvi.tumblr.com. / Joses Ho is working towards a DPhil in neuroscience. Likes to read his Bible highly caffeinated and slightly intoxicated.

5/27 Friday Friendzone: Just Friends?

Every Friday, I'll be inviting some of my friends to my "Friendzone" to answer some juicy questions on some hot topic (Not limited to dating/relationships, although I'm sure that will be a frequent topic).  This week's panelists are: Scott, Angrygirl, Jimmy, Lily, and (Y)MC.

This week’s topic is: Just Friends.  How do you become more than just friends? Can you be even be just friends?  Let's see what our panelists had to say...

1. How do you know if a guy/girl likes you?

Scott: This is the easiest thing to figure out, and the one that most people seem to ignore all the time.  If someone likes you, they'll want to be with you as much as possible.  If you want to know if someone likes you, invite them to simple things like getting a coffee or a meal.  Then invite them to things that will take more time for them to plan, like running errands together.  Finally invite them to things that you know will be a big sacrifice of their time, like getting them to go to a volunteering event you know they have no interest in.  If they consistently make time for you, you're in.  If they consistently decline, especially on the simple ones, then forget about it.

Angrygirl: When a guy shows more attention, does nice/sweet things for you, remembers things you've said and acts upon them.. and he only does this with you. That is, his treatment is markedly different from how he treats other girls.

Guys can tell whether their feelings are reciprocated by the response to this stuff. Smiles, genuine hearty laughter, playing along are all positive indications. Tight forced smiles, nervous laughter, conversation killers are signs you should back off. It's really all about the tone and HOW things are being said as opposed to WHAT is being said. "Thanks!" with a smile and a rise in tone is good. "Thanks...." or a curt "Thanks." with a forced smile is probably not good.

Jimmy: Is it bad that I don't think I can answer this question? It's been a few years...

Lily: Me? Personally?  If he says so.  I'm not so good at the non-verbal communication.  Maybe also if he likes talking to me a lot, or if he treats me differently than other girls.  A guy knows I like him if I try to create situations where we can hang out one on one, if I make up an excuse to call him, if I try to get all his online chat info (IM, gchat, Skype).  However, I've done this at some point with guys who are just friends, only much more rarely.  I personally try to make sure the guy doesn't like me though, before doing all that.  Sorry guys, you'll never know until you ask.  I'm glad I'm not a guy, because it sounds really scary!  But in my opinion that's just the way it usually is in Christian circles.   

(Y)MC: The most telling sign of a guy's interest in you is if he keeps popping up in your life without having been invited. He'll show up at social gatherings, meetings that he doesn't actually care about, your neighborhood, or even the public bathroom just to create opportunities to be near/with you. As for indication of a girl's interest in you... they never say it explicitly. It's helpful if you are at least quasi-fluent in a foreign language or ASL, as these skills should enable you to better interpret confusing female signals. 

2. If a guy likes a girl, what should he do to get her attention?  What if the roles are reversed, what should she do to get his attention?

Scott: This is the most gender-biased problem to solve.  Guys should NEVER be nice to a girl whose attention they want, but girls should ALWAYS be nice to a guy whose attention they want.  Basically, girls are used to being treated well ever since they were little, while the opposite is true of guys.  Girls expect to be treated nicely, it's par for the course in a post-feminist society.  You're not gonna stick out.  Being cocky, or mysterious, or a badass, is gonna make you stick out.  On the other hand, make a dude a sandwich and he's putty in your hands.

Angrygirl: The gestures that stand out in my mind are those that showed the guy was really listening and had a sense of humor to know how to play off his knowledge of me. For instance I mentioned one time to a guy that I had just been to CVS and they didn't have the flavor of Dentyne Ice I wanted. A few days later a package came in the mail with a candy company return address, and inside I found packs and packs of Dentyne Ice spearmint.  Another time I playfully argued with a guy over the merits of curry (he didn't think curry was good.. what a weirdo) and he decided to take me to a curry restaurant on our first date to "settle the debate." Stuff like this is definitely not platonic and clearly signals interest. Disclaimer: I think it really depends on the person. What draws my attention wouldn't necessarily be the same for someone else. 

What does a girl need to do? Not much... because guys seem to be perpetually on the prowl for a girl. I actually think guys might be turned off by girls actively trying to be noticed and that instead, it's the girl who's being herself that eventually draws the interest of the guys who are scoping the field.. 

Jimmy: Give her attention. Show an interest in who she is and what she likes. However, do so in a way that is different from your interactions with other female friends. Or, just be bold and forthcoming right off the bat. 

Lily: One good conversation trick that I try to use is stopping at the peak.  Lots of people, if they really like another person, will talk all the way through the conversation, setting, rising action, climax, falling action, denouement (it's like a story!).  They talk all the way until the conversation has completely petered out and has become boring.  Instead, it's better to stop at a high point, even though it's SO tempting to keep talking right then.  Why?  Because you'll end the conversation on a high note, leave the person with the impression that you're both interesting and busy with more than just them (which is also very attractive), and you'll leave them wanting to see you again.  

(Y)MC: Depends. Obviously, in order to succeed, you'll first have to figure out what she likes and dislikes, and then you would tailor your strategery to maximize exposure and create a high rate of return for your time, finances, and emotional investment. For a girl to get a guy's attention, typically skimping on the clothing or developing a "loose" reputation will effectively help a girl garner attention from the opposite sex (including attention from currently registered and future soon-to-be registered sex offenders).

3. How do you know if you're on a date?

Scott: I stick to the position that says there are "friend dates" and "date-dates."  Friend dates can be intentional, like taking someone out to coffee that you just met at church, or unintentional, like holding an impromptu late night study session.  Date-dates must be intentional, in that both parties recognize romantic potential is involved, with initiative and planning necessarily required.  Single young adult men are great at friend dates, but unfortunately on date-dates a lot us tend to suffer from performance anxiety.   

Angrygirl: In an ideal world, guys would ask girls out and then say something really obvious, like "alright, it's a date." But for various reasons this doesn't happen and then girls usually realize ON the date that the guy considers it a date. If both parties are single, and the guy is opening doors and paying for everything and takes to you a very nice steak restaurant where there are linen napkins and sides come separate... yeah that's a date. Also unusual behavior can also be a sign-- dressing nicer than usual, being flirty, yadada. 

Honestly to me it seems so TIRING to try and decipher whether or not something is a date so I would take the direct approach and ask, "is this a date?" You will get one of two responses: "No" = not a date. "Ummmm" = he was hoping it was but now that you ask he has no idea what to say. 

Both approaches (deciphering or asking straight out) have high possibilities for awkwardness so I say just ask straight out.

Jimmy: If I ask her on a date. Men/boys: it only counts if you ASK her out. Don't be a wuss and hope for coincidental 1v1 hangouts. 

Lily: Easiest/best way: the person who asks the other person out says that it's a date.  Usually in dating relationships, the simplest way is the best way.  There are 'signs' that can show me I've been asked on a date, like a nice restaurant where the guy pays and/or just the two of us going somewhere special, but it's nice not to have to agonize over 'the signs.' 

(Y)MC: You're most likely going to be on a date if one of you had mentioned the word "date" before getting together. Also, if you hold hands, kiss, or participate in activities of further physical intimacy, you're probably even more likely to be on a date. As a rule of thumb, I always, always, always kiss on the first date.

4. Can guys and girls just be friends?

Scott: Yes, if the guy thinks the girl is unattractive.  Only temporarily, if he thinks the girl is attractive but she has a boyfriend.  Girls will be miffed by this assertion, but it's true.  This is why girls have "zones" and guys have "ladders."  To a guy, every non-ugly female friend can potentially be something more, and even ones which they didn't initially consider attractive can become attractive.  The lines between "liking" and "loving" are blurred in the male brain.  This is not true for girls.  A friend is a friend, a lover is a lover, and never the twain shall meet!! 

Angrygirl: Until a few months ago I thought this was yes. Then my boyfriend named three people in the last couple of years who were romantically interested in me when, at the time, I thought it was very clear to all parties that I was just buddies with the guy. I think girls have a tendency to think it's possible to have a perfectly platonic relationship with a guy, but from my experience it seems like guys can easily jump from "just a friend" to "want to date."  

Jimmy: Yes. I do think that there can be a relationship that's purely friendship.(Meaning that there can exist a relationship where neither party will want anything more than friendship). However, I think every friendship has moments when one person (or both) at least considers the possibilty of more than a friendship. 

Lily: Sort of.  You have to be honest with your motives in this area.  I've known a lot of people (myself included) who tried to make themselves believe they were just being friends with someone when they actually liked that person.  I've also seen this scenario.  Person A says they just want to be friends with Person B.  B likes A, and A doesn't like B (in that way) at all.  But for some reason, A INSISTS that they have to be close friends with B, even though it's driving B crazy.  Please, A, leave poor B alone.  You don't have to be friends with them. (I see girls do this a lot, but I've seen guys do it too.)  If you want to keep a person of the opposite gender just as a friend, then one way to assure this is to have a few friends of your own gender to confide in.

(Y)MC: Guys and girls can be friends once they finish middle school/junior high school. But sometimes you can run into really sticky situations, like what the girls from Sugar Jones are talking about in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeHl8bEhHsw.

5. Can guys and girls be friends again after they’ve dated or almost dated?

Scott: The person who answers "yes" to this question is the one who initiated the breakup, because they're ignorant and self-centered.  You can only be friends with somebody if you want to be friends.  The person who wanted to break up obviously wants the relationship downgraded to a friendship, so they'll ALWAYS say yes.  The one whose heart is broken doesn't want just a friendship, he or she wanted something more.  If this person says "yes" it's only because: a). they're used to being walked over by people and won't stick up for themselves, b). they hold out hope for the future, sadly, or c). their heart wasn't really broken, like they were secretly hoping to get out too or their mom didn't approve of the girl because she had a fat face.

Angrygirl: Yes, BUT there needs to be time and emotional distance first. Or as my wise crazy mom said, "Just avoid him." Sounds extreme, but I'm grateful I took her advice because I've seen so many friends go through break up, followed by "let's be friends" to take the burn off breaking up, followed by ambiguity with the dumpee experiencing confusion and the dumper experiencing obliviousness or guilt, followed by a second, real break up where the dumpee realizes the hope they had for restoring the relationship was actually all in their head and the dumper totally didn't mean to do that, "I thought we were just friends." If you want to be friends in the future there has to be no hope for becoming more-than-friends, which usually requires a (hopefully temporary) stop in communication. Think of it like an eyebrow tweeze-- quick, initially painful, but infinitely better in the end.

Also the guy my mom told me to leave alone? Didn't talk to him until 3 years later when school scheduling put us back into contact and he is now one of my closest guy friends. And because we've had that history there's more confidence on both sides that we are in fact, just friends.

Jimmy: Yes, I believe they can, but I think past events like that can potentially stifle that relationship from developing into a strong friendship. It can be harder to get close to someone (purly as a friend) after a dating relationship. 

Lily: Imo, not usually.  If the liking was mutual, then it's impossible for me at least to become friends with the person again.  Maybe cordial acquaintances, but even being within the same friend GROUP would be difficult.  Even if the breakup was amicable.  That said, I know there are some people who can go back to being friends again much easier than I can.  So it's a case by case basis.  Note: if only one of the two finds it difficult to go back to being friends, the other one should be sensitive to that.  On the other hand, if the linking was one-sided and that person talked to the other and realized the other didn't feel the same way, I think it's easier to go back to being friends.  As long as the liked person doesn't take advantage of the liker's emotions.

(Y)MC: Theoretically possible, but there's going to be some inevitable awkwardness. In my personal life, I haven't talked to ex's since those relationships ended years ago. Save the drama for their mama...?! 

About the Panelists: 

Scott Yi is a student at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and a campus minister at Brown University.  He is single, poor, and short, so he doesn't have much going for him.  You can read more of his thoughts at www.sacredraisincakes.com. / Angrygirl is a DC yuppie. / Jimmy is an educator of forest-dwelling high school boys. / Lily is an INTJ (Myers Briggs), and since most INTJs are guys, her advice might be unusual.  She’s read a lot of good Christian literature on dating (and some not so good, like the dreaded Henry Cloud).  She’s been in two relationships, both long-distance. / (Y)MC is a son, brother, and husband. During his spare time, he enjoys long walks on the beach, authentic Taiwanese food, and streaming movies online. He believes almost all heterosexual inter-racial relationships are severely skewed, favor the white man, and consequently further disenfranchise the Asian male demographic group. As such, he has embarked on a personal mission to restore the balance in the world of inter-racial love-making.