6/29 Wednesday Weekly

MillStar of the Week: This week's MillCredit goes to the newest member of the Washington Wizards Jan Vesely from the Czech Republic.  Even though Jan was only picked #6 overall, he stole the show at the NBA Draft when he kissed his girlfriend much to the delight of the live audience in New Jersey.  THEN, he wow'd me with his swagger in his post-draft interview by denying he is the "European Blake Griffin" and instead saying that Blake Griffin is just the "American Jan Vesely."  Usually, international players totally embarrass themselves in their first ever televised interview in English (For example, see how #5 pick Jonas Valanciunas talks about his "not so strong body").  If I'm ever going to be a fan of DC sports, I'm going to need someone like Jan Vesely to get me through.  Thanks Jan.

Runner-Up: CM Punk for delivering the best wrestling promo since the late 90s.

MillDud of the Week: Yesterday, a press release went out stating that the Southern Baptists had changed their stance on homosexuality and were ready to allow same-sex marriage because "even our most sacred texts must be read in context."  This made me incredibly sad...BUT then the Southern Baptists later denied they put out this press release and claimed it was a hoax performed by a so-called Christian think tank named the Center for Responsible Christian Living (is it funny that the only major news outlet to cover this story was Fox News?).  This probably has to be one of the dumbest hoaxes of all-time.  Why would a pro-gay organization think impersonating a Christian denomination would help their cause?

But in the spirit of fairness...why would they target Southern Baptists?  I have to assume that Southern Baptists are not totally in the right and must have ticked off some people in this think tank either directly or indirectly.  Then, I gotta just re-affirm that I don't think "our sacred texts" would approve of homosexuality in ANY context.  I believe that being actively homosexual is sinful.  Finally, just like how Christians shouldn't convey their thoughts on homosexuality in hateful ways...but instead disagree in loving ways....Gays and pro-gays should not be playing tricks on Christians even if some might deserve it.  So this week's MillDud goes to Southern Baptists, Gays, and Gays who play tricks on Southern Baptists aka the Gay Southern Baptist Hoax.

MillBoard Charts Song of the Week: In continuing with the theme of summer songs of the 90's, this week's song of the week goes to "Sometimes" by Britney Spears.  I remember a couple of things about this song....

1) I was learning Spanish in school...and I tried really hard to translate the lyrics of this song to "A Veces Corro" but had no idea how to say "I'm scared of you" so that endeavor ended really quickly.

2) I remember watching MTV's Total Request Live when this song first came out.  I remember Carson Daly was fixated on how one of the girls in the video was itching her crotch.  For your sake, I've pinpointed the crotch-itch at the 1:16 mark in the YouTube Link given above!

3) Britney was so awesome at this point in her career.  What happened???  When did Britney's career veer off track?  I'm gonna say "Slave 4 U" was the point of no return...her wholesome image was definitely gone by then.  Unlike many, I choose to believe that Britney was genuinely wholesome early on in her career...and was not simply the product of clever marketing to teenagers.

6/27 Monday MillBox

Q: Miller, HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING, if you had to choose between these two, which would you rather have at this current stage of your life? 

Choice A: Herpes (not the innocuous "lip fungus" type, but the other kind, you know)
Choice B: A baby/infant
The rule is that you must pick one. Explain. -- Yufu

A: Well Yufu, this one is easy.  I'm gonna pick Choice B because Herpes are forever.  Once that baby turns 18, you can send it off to college.  Herpes you can't just send to college, because every admissions officer would be like..."I'm sorry, our fine establishment has plenty of Herpes already...affirmative action has forced us to accept more humans this year.  Best of luck in all your future endeavors."

Q: Dear Miller, after reading the mixed opinion of the Friday Friendzone panelists, I'm wondering...what do YOU think about summer flings? -- Girl who wears Abercrombie and Fitch


A: Man...summer flings are fun, but not recommended.  My two most memorable summers before college involved summer flings.  Summer romance is incredibly exhilarating; I'll give you that.  BUT just like how April showers bring May flowers (or May allergies)...Summer Romance brings Fall No-mance!!!  The expectation that things will stay the same in the fall when school starts is crazy.  One of you is bound to want more of what happened in the summer and one of you is bound to want less of what happened in the summer.  And if you were the one that wanted more (like I was), you're gonna get hurt.  So...after this happening twice...I retired from the summer fling business...and had even more exhilarating summers than the ones I had in high school.

For any high school dude looking for something exhilarating to do this summer...just imagine how worthwhile it is to explain the intricacies of who you are to some girl for something that might last for a few months....versus how worthwhile it is to explain the intricacies of a flawless God to guys for something that might last for an eternity.  That's right, sign up for a summer mission trip, but leave the missionary goggles at home.

Q: Which is the bigger NBA story last week: NBA Draft or Ron Artest's name change?


A: The Bigger NBA story is the NBA Draft, but for the sake of my loyal readers who would rather hear about Ron Artest's name change to Metta World Peace...lemme just say that I think he's flipped his lid.  I really thought that Ron Artest was maturing as a person.  I mean after he jumped into the stands several years ago to beat up a fan in Detroit, I would have never imagined that he'd win the NBA's Outstanding Citizenship Award for his work in promoting psychiatric care for the mentally ill.  But man, I think this is a bad move.  Don't get me wrong.  The name change idea itself is great!  He needs a fresh start...the Ron Artest name is associated with a lot of baggage.  The problem is...why "Metta World Peace"???  I mean... "Metta" is a buddhist term for kindness....so his name is going to mean "Kindness World Peace?"  Why does his teammate Pau Gasol get called out for being soft and without toughness when his name does NOT mean "Kindness World Peace"?  I think Ron Artest should instead change his name to "Psych Ward" because it would further his image as a spokesperson for psychiatric care.  He could also claim to be related to Hines Ward.

As far as the NBA draft is concerned, my new favorite NBA player has gotta be the #3 pick overall, Enes Kanter from Turkey.  The reason: he wants to become a WWE Wrestler after he retires from the NBA.  Enes Kanter is a big fan of wrestling icon The Undertaker and his nickname from college is The UnderKanter.  Check out this vid of Enes Kanter entering a University of Kentucky prep rally to The Undertaker's theme music!  Even if this guy turns out to be the worst basketball player ever, he's already won me over.

Q: After establishing ill-will for Obama last week, what do you think his dog Bo?


A: You mean Bo'Bama?  Well, don't you think Obama should be offended that Ted Kennedy gave him a black dog?  I mean...seriously...just because he's the first black president doesn't mean he needs to own the first black presidential dog.  I mean...doesn't that just remind you of slavery?  Instead Obama should have gotten a white dog to make him only the 2nd whitest member of his immediate family.

Future Dog Names for Republican Candidates: Mutt Romney, Michelle Barkman, Neutered Gingrich.

Q: Are you jealous that your girlfriend is going to the New Kids on the Block/Backstreet Boys concert next week?


A: Slightly.  She gets to see 2 awesome boybands live.  Closest thing to a boyband I've seen live: BBMak.

6/6 Monday MillBox

Q: Be honest, Miller.  Your blogs have tended to only last for 2 weeks before inevitable death.  Is the end near? -- longtime reader

A: Hmmm...good question!  As I sit here having to make up all these questions (including this one), I'm not sure how much more content I can produce.  I'll be honest.  If it weren't for the fun of doing the Friday Friendzone segments and if it weren't for my girlfriend helping me come up with things to write about, this blog might have already died...haha.  BUT, yeah... I think in the long-term, I'll keep doing MillBox (if there are enough questions provided), Milligans, Weekly awards, and Friday Friendzone.  The Thursday Theological Thoughts is really hard to write because unlike the other segments I need to really make sure I don't write anything misleading or heretical!  In the near future, I might alter the Thursday segment to something else and I might consider renting it out to guest columnists.  Let me know if you're interested in renting out a Thursday!

Q: Dear Miller, I noticed that you take pride in your name so much so that you name your segments MillBox, MillStars, MillDuds, Milligans, etc.  Well...let's say your name was a synonym of "penis" like my last name is...why is it so wrong for me to flaunt MY name? -- Representative Anthony Weiner (New York)

A: Representative Weiner.  Simply put, it's wrong because your name is Weiner.  If I was born with a name like Tony Weiner, I would do one of two things with my life:
1) Start a hot dog stand called Weiner's Weiners.  OR..
2) Do something else AND do everything in my ability to avoid a scandal involving my weiner (....especially one that involves a picture of my weiner being sent out on twitter!!!)

Clearly, you failed on both fronts.  Check out what Weiner's college roommate Jon Stewart had to say about Weiner's weiner scandal.

Q: Does anybody you know besides yourself still care about (fake) wrestling? -- your girlfriend


A: Ummm....probably not?  Next question...

Q: How many dates should you have before initiating a DTR ("Define The Relationship" conversation)? -- Darrell Tyrone Robinson 


A: I think you should have 3 dates before you DTR...BUT I must say that the DTR I had at the beginning of my current relationship came at the end of our very first date.  So let me amend my statement to say...I think you should have 3 dates before you DTR UNLESS your first date is 10 hours long with an angry Japanese girl, in which case, you should just go ahead and DTR on the first date.

Q: Why do people insist on popping pimples when it's bad for you and causes scarring?


A: Cuz it's sooooooooooooooo fun to see all that pus ooze out!!!!!! Who's with me?


Remember, if you have ANY questions for next week's MillBox, please submit them in the comments section below!