5/30 Memorial Monday MillBox

Happy Memorial Day!   Hope you have something awesome planned for today, but if not...feel free to read this column over and over again!  Let's get to the questions...

Q: What's your favorite tv show, ever? -- annamelon

A: Well, annamelon...this one is tough.  The first shows that pop into my mind would be the T-NBC (the T is for teen?) shows I grew up with on Saturday mornings like Saved by the Bell, California Dreams, and Hang Time.  I would give Saved by the Bell the advantage because it was the original and just had the perfect 6-person cast highlighted by every guy's childhood crush Kelly Kapowski.

Now for some other of my fave tv shows...

Favorite cartoon: 90's Spiderman cartoon on Fox.

Favorite sporty show: anything WWF

Favorite show since Y2K: Now this may be surprising, but I will not say Glee. Glee fizzled out way too quickly and I'm still trying to figure out whether it jumped the shark yet or not.  So...I'm gonna go with Veronica Mars.  Surprised?  Well, you shouldn't be.  After watching a few episodes, I was hooked. And after watching all 3 seasons, I kept on wondering why they didn't get another season.  The writing is really witty yet charming.  Plus, Kristen Bell is prob my fave actress.  If you haven't seen VMars yet, I'd really recommend it.  All the episodes are free at http://www.thewb.com/shows/veronica-mars.  And yes...my name is Cassidy!!!!

Q: Dear Miller, if I continue to dominate the NBA Playoffs by defeating the vaunted Miami Heat, will I finally shed the label of being just another "soft" European player? -- Dirk (Dallas, TX)

A: Guten Tag, Dirk.  Even if you don't beat the Heat, I think you will shed your "soft" label.  I think we should usher in an era in which we recognize how HARD Dirk is.  A lot of things about Dirk are incredibly hard...three things come to mind...

1) It's HARD to guard Dirk Nowitzki.  How do you stop a 7-footer who shoots off-balance jump shots like they are layups?  You CAN'T (....unless you're an 8-footer who blocks off-balance jump shots like they are layups, of course).

2) It's HARD to find a player with a more hilarious method of relaxing while shooting high-pressure free throws.  In the 2006 Playoffs, it was revealed that Dirk's secret to free throws was humming a David Hasselhoff song "Looking For Freedom."  I wonder if he was humming it last week when he broke the record for most consecutive made free throws without a miss in a playoff game.  I hope the 'Hoff gets an footnote in the record books.

3) It's HARD to get involved in a scandal in which your pregnant fiancee is arrested for actually stealing your money while posing as her 8th fake identity.  If you're a legalist calculating at home, that's a case of premarital sex, theft, and fraud all wrapped up into one.  Of course, when this story was reported two years ago...most people focused on how they found her to be really unattractive.  Way to really focus on the important stuff, people.

BTW, I'm picking the Mavs to beat the heat in 5 games.

Q: Where am I? -- Matt Hill (Washington, DC)

A: Wow, Matt.  For a campus minister, you had quite the week in the media spotlight.  Just a few days ago, I read about how the search for you was intensifying because no one had seen you since Tuesday morning.  There was said to be a 99% chance that foul play was involved and people were frantically in search of kidnappers. People opened up a facebook site to collect information of your last known whereabouts and your famous Red Sox pitcher friend Daniel Bard got the word out about your disappearance onto ESPN.com and the Boston Globe website.

I used to have a rule: whenever someone disappears without saying anything, they're pooping.  Well, thanks to Matt Hill, let me amend that: whenever someone disappears without saying anything, they're EITHER pooping OR hiking in the Appalachians while everyone else thinks they've been kidnapped.

Q: How do u escape the friendzone? -- longtime resident of the friendzone

A: This is a brutally difficult question to answer as it probably varies a lot from person to person on how to escape their friendzone.  I would simply recommend starting by asking yourself "why can't they see me as more than just a friend?"  Surely, it's not because you're such a good friend that they don't want to promote you further.  Perhaps, it's as simple as them being interested in someone else and thus not seeing your potential to be more than just a friend.  Or, it could be as puzzling as...they just can't see how you'd be good for them.

So, ask yourself "why can't they see me as more than friends?"  Then, if it's an issue of timing (ie them liking someone else at the moment, or not being ready for a relationship), don't sweat it and move on because you can't really do much to change it.  If it's a matter of you being the wrong person, then maybe you should figure out what's missing.  Maybe they just haven't seen the real you and you should try to seize and opportunity to show that.  OR maybe they do see the real you and you need to grow in some areas of your life first.

Remember, right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person.

Q: What? You're not going to forge my name onto another question this week? -- Arnold (Sacramento, CA)

A: Nope.

Please submit questions for next week's MillBox in the comments section below!

5/23 Monday MillBox

After a 3 year hiatus....the Daily Millings are back again!!!  This time around, each day of the week will have a different gimmick that is inspired by alliteration (hence, Monday MillBox).  Every Monday, I'll be answering questions submitted by my loyal readers.  If you have a question you want to be answered by the next Monday, just leave it in the comments section below and check back on Monday for an answer!

Now let's get to this week's MillBox...

Q: Now that you have the benefit of hindsight, tell us who was better: backstreet boys or *nsync? -- Nick Lachey (98 degrees)

A: Well Nick, I don't need hindsight for this one.  My answer back then is the same as my answer right now.  The Backstreet Boys were totally better.  If this is merely a question of which group had the single most talented player, I might answer otherwise, BUT if you're talking group...it's gotta be BSB.  Each member got a solo in their biggest hit "I Want It That Way" and even the one that had the least solos seemed really musically competent by actually playing the piano in some of their later songs.  Can *nsync boast the same overall talent?  No Way!  Justin Timberlake just hosted SNL a few nights ago and joked that he couldn't even remember Chris Kirkpatrick's name!  BTW, I get the feeling that those *nsync guys weren't really friends in real life.  BSB, on the other hand, are still going strong as a group.  Meanwhile, Chris Kirkpatrick entered obscurity once he ignored the teachings of Samson, Lance Bass is best known for being a gay astronaut, JC Chasez appeared on a bad reality show, and Joey Fatone's last name still spells FAT ONE.  BSB 4 life!!!

In case you wanted to know, Nick...I can pretty confidently say that your 98 degrees weren't even close to those 2 groups.  That was not the "hardest thing I've ever had to do" and I do not wanna "give you just one night, una noche."  ....although for some reason I will say that "with you, I can let my hair down; I can say anything crazy, etc etc etc"

Q: Dear Miller, am I in trouble? -- Arnold (Sacramento, CA)

A: Oh Arnold.  I'd say so.  Not only did you get caught for cheating on your wife, BUT you did it with an old abuelita-looking maid, who probably only wanted to extort your money by bearing you more Austr-spring (Austrian + offspring)....Also....all your movie titles can easily been turned into headline puns!


Arnold's Marriage Terminated!


True Lies...exposed!


Kindergarten Cop-ping a feel??? (Okay that one needs work...)

Q: Any thoughts on the death of wrestling icon Macho Man Randy Savage? -- Slim Jim (Florida)

A: First off, he was definitely a top 5 wrestler in the '80s.  He might not be as well known as Hulk Hogan, BUT he was way better at the actual wrestling and almost on par with Hogan as far as charisma goes.  But, on the other hand, he was a really crazy dude, who did questionable things in his personal life that aren't worthy of praise....


My biggest beef with him, though, is...false advertising.  I have never once "snapped" into a Slim Jim.  I always expected the huge crunching sound that was advertised in the commercials...but it never happened.  Slim Jims were overrated, but give Savage credit for always making me believe that my next one might finally give me that satisfying snapping sound.  OHHHHH YEAHHHHHHH! Dig it!

Q: When I told young impressionable Christians about how "I kissed dating goodbye," did I ruin everything for them? Did I force them to kiss dating goodbye, too? -- J. Harris (Maryland)

A: You sure did, man.  You implied that dating was wrong and that courtship was the way to go.  I understand that people should be entering relationships with the intention to marry, BUT I think you made our generation scared to go out on dates with people they didn't see as wife-able or husband-able.  But, ask happily married couples around you....did they think so highly of their spouse when they first met them?  Seeing how someone acts in a group OR from far away OR from their social networking site is NOT an accurate portrayal of how they might really be like.  Just saying, perhaps you should go out on a few dates with someone before you decide whether you want to borrow half of their genetics for your spawn.

Q: Hey Miller, what do you think is the greatest invention of the last century? -- Joe (Providence, RI)

A: Hands down, I'd hafta say the electric mosquito racket.  No offense to the automobile, the airplane, or the computer, BUT this one's not even close.


Thanks for the questions.  Remember to submit questions for next week's MillBox in the comments section below!