Choice A: Herpes (not the innocuous "lip fungus" type, but the other kind, you know)
Choice B: A baby/infant
The rule is that you must pick one. Explain. -- Yufu
A: Well Yufu, this one is easy. I'm gonna pick Choice B because Herpes are forever. Once that baby turns 18, you can send it off to college. Herpes you can't just send to college, because every admissions officer would be like..."I'm sorry, our fine establishment has plenty of Herpes already...affirmative action has forced us to accept more humans this year. Best of luck in all your future endeavors."
Q: Dear Miller, after reading the mixed opinion of the Friday Friendzone panelists, I'm wondering...what do YOU think about summer flings? -- Girl who wears Abercrombie and Fitch
A: Man...summer flings are fun, but not recommended. My two most memorable summers before college involved summer flings. Summer romance is incredibly exhilarating; I'll give you that. BUT just like how April showers bring May flowers (or May allergies)...Summer Romance brings Fall No-mance!!! The expectation that things will stay the same in the fall when school starts is crazy. One of you is bound to want more of what happened in the summer and one of you is bound to want less of what happened in the summer. And if you were the one that wanted more (like I was), you're gonna get hurt. So...after this happening twice...I retired from the summer fling business...and had even more exhilarating summers than the ones I had in high school.
For any high school dude looking for something exhilarating to do this summer...just imagine how worthwhile it is to explain the intricacies of who you are to some girl for something that might last for a few months....versus how worthwhile it is to explain the intricacies of a flawless God to guys for something that might last for an eternity. That's right, sign up for a summer mission trip, but leave the missionary goggles at home.
Q: Which is the bigger NBA story last week: NBA Draft or Ron Artest's name change?
A: The Bigger NBA story is the NBA Draft, but for the sake of my loyal readers who would rather hear about Ron Artest's name change to Metta World Peace...lemme just say that I think he's flipped his lid. I really thought that Ron Artest was maturing as a person. I mean after he jumped into the stands several years ago to beat up a fan in Detroit, I would have never imagined that he'd win the NBA's Outstanding Citizenship Award for his work in promoting psychiatric care for the mentally ill. But man, I think this is a bad move. Don't get me wrong. The name change idea itself is great! He needs a fresh start...the Ron Artest name is associated with a lot of baggage. The problem is...why "Metta World Peace"??? I mean... "Metta" is a buddhist term for kindness....so his name is going to mean "Kindness World Peace?" Why does his teammate Pau Gasol get called out for being soft and without toughness when his name does NOT mean "Kindness World Peace"? I think Ron Artest should instead change his name to "Psych Ward" because it would further his image as a spokesperson for psychiatric care. He could also claim to be related to Hines Ward.
As far as the NBA draft is concerned, my new favorite NBA player has gotta be the #3 pick overall, Enes Kanter from Turkey. The reason: he wants to become a WWE Wrestler after he retires from the NBA. Enes Kanter is a big fan of wrestling icon The Undertaker and his nickname from college is The UnderKanter. Check out this vid of Enes Kanter entering a University of Kentucky prep rally to The Undertaker's theme music! Even if this guy turns out to be the worst basketball player ever, he's already won me over.
Q: After establishing ill-will for Obama last week, what do you think his dog Bo?
A: You mean Bo'Bama? Well, don't you think Obama should be offended that Ted Kennedy gave him a black dog? I mean...seriously...just because he's the first black president doesn't mean he needs to own the first black presidential dog. I mean...doesn't that just remind you of slavery? Instead Obama should have gotten a white dog to make him only the 2nd whitest member of his immediate family.
Future Dog Names for Republican Candidates: Mutt Romney, Michelle Barkman, Neutered Gingrich.
Q: Are you jealous that your girlfriend is going to the New Kids on the Block/Backstreet Boys concert next week?
A: Slightly. She gets to see 2 awesome boybands live. Closest thing to a boyband I've seen live: BBMak.
A: Man...summer flings are fun, but not recommended. My two most memorable summers before college involved summer flings. Summer romance is incredibly exhilarating; I'll give you that. BUT just like how April showers bring May flowers (or May allergies)...Summer Romance brings Fall No-mance!!! The expectation that things will stay the same in the fall when school starts is crazy. One of you is bound to want more of what happened in the summer and one of you is bound to want less of what happened in the summer. And if you were the one that wanted more (like I was), you're gonna get hurt. So...after this happening twice...I retired from the summer fling business...and had even more exhilarating summers than the ones I had in high school.
For any high school dude looking for something exhilarating to do this summer...just imagine how worthwhile it is to explain the intricacies of who you are to some girl for something that might last for a few months....versus how worthwhile it is to explain the intricacies of a flawless God to guys for something that might last for an eternity. That's right, sign up for a summer mission trip, but leave the missionary goggles at home.
A: The Bigger NBA story is the NBA Draft, but for the sake of my loyal readers who would rather hear about Ron Artest's name change to Metta World Peace...lemme just say that I think he's flipped his lid. I really thought that Ron Artest was maturing as a person. I mean after he jumped into the stands several years ago to beat up a fan in Detroit, I would have never imagined that he'd win the NBA's Outstanding Citizenship Award for his work in promoting psychiatric care for the mentally ill. But man, I think this is a bad move. Don't get me wrong. The name change idea itself is great! He needs a fresh start...the Ron Artest name is associated with a lot of baggage. The problem is...why "Metta World Peace"??? I mean... "Metta" is a buddhist term for kindness....so his name is going to mean "Kindness World Peace?" Why does his teammate Pau Gasol get called out for being soft and without toughness when his name does NOT mean "Kindness World Peace"? I think Ron Artest should instead change his name to "Psych Ward" because it would further his image as a spokesperson for psychiatric care. He could also claim to be related to Hines Ward.
As far as the NBA draft is concerned, my new favorite NBA player has gotta be the #3 pick overall, Enes Kanter from Turkey. The reason: he wants to become a WWE Wrestler after he retires from the NBA. Enes Kanter is a big fan of wrestling icon The Undertaker and his nickname from college is The UnderKanter. Check out this vid of Enes Kanter entering a University of Kentucky prep rally to The Undertaker's theme music! Even if this guy turns out to be the worst basketball player ever, he's already won me over.
A: You mean Bo'Bama? Well, don't you think Obama should be offended that Ted Kennedy gave him a black dog? I mean...seriously...just because he's the first black president doesn't mean he needs to own the first black presidential dog. I mean...doesn't that just remind you of slavery? Instead Obama should have gotten a white dog to make him only the 2nd whitest member of his immediate family.
Future Dog Names for Republican Candidates: Mutt Romney, Michelle Barkman, Neutered Gingrich.
A: Slightly. She gets to see 2 awesome boybands live. Closest thing to a boyband I've seen live: BBMak.
6 comments:
So, that poster just has NKOTBSB, which doesn't fit the "New Kids on the Block - Back Street Boys" caption below it. Does anyone else find "New Kids on the Back Street Boys" a little creepy?
quality entry. i hope yufu enjoys it during his poop.
per your request, i'll be sure to let howie know that he's cool and you liked his solo album. (that's what you wanted me to say to him, right?)
@timhavens: I thought the same thing about New Kids on the Backstreet Boys...but I gave them the benefit of the doubt...since time has proven that the backstreet boys went onto incredibly heterosexual lives...can't say the same for *nsync
@my girlfriend: I want you to tell brian litrell that he was my favorite and not just because he was the token member with illness....and tell nick carter that I liked his solo album and it should have been better received by the general public....I never mentioned Howie D so don't even talk to him
Question for the Millbox:
Can you think of a fate worse than my current one, that of being stuck on OB/GYN service looking at vaginas for an entire month?
Follow up question:
Have you ever heard of vajazzling? I did, this month...
D;SAKJFSDL;KFJKFS LISA GOMI - YOU SAW BSB ?!!?!?! ALKJ;SDKFJAKSDFJ HOW WAS IT ?!?!?!?!
miller. seriously whats the issue. we live parallel lives or something. bbmak is the only "boy band" ive seen too !!!!!!!!!!!! "the next time you see my girl, tell her i love her ..."
for the next millbox -
What do you make of the bands who were big when you were in high school coming out new albums? Take Limp Bizkit's "Gold Cobra", and Simple Plan's "Get Your Heart On", for instance, in addition to boybands making a comeback as well.
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