5/24 Tuesday Time Machine (Milligan)

Milligan (something I would do over): 
When I was a kid, it was not uncommon for me to wake up every morning with a bloody nose.  Perhaps, it was too dry in my bedroom.  Perhaps, this is just something a lot of Chinese kids deal with.  Either way, it didn't bother me much.  I got used to it.  I began becoming incredibly proficient in making origami tissue rockets to stick into my nostrils.  It was also incredibly satisfying to guess the correct moment when I could pick my nose for bloody boogers, without inciting another stream of bleeding.


BUT there was one time, when I wished I wasn't so prone to bloody noses...


When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I had my first crush.  After school, I would go to my babysitter's house to play until my parents picked me up after work.  And by chance, the first girl I ever liked lived directly behind my babysitter's house.  So for all those days we were only separated by a fence.

One day, I peek through the fence and see her.  And I call her over to have a conversation.  After talking about whatever 10 year olds talked about...she invites me to come over her house to play.  After getting permission from my babysitter to cross over to the other side of the fence...we go into her house to do that thing where you put beads onto a pegboard and then use an iron to melt them into some horrendous looking piece of art.  (What were those things called?)

Anyway, before any iron could be used...my nose starts gushing with blood...

I got embarrassed and decided it was best for me to go back to my babysitter's house instead of letting her see me stuff tissues in my nose....Maybe my story was the inspiration for that Leona Lewis song "Bleeding Love"...

Long story short, I was friendzoned (which wasn't even a known commodity in 1995), BUT the good news is that I stopped getting these random nosebleeds sometime during high school!  ...and now I have a girlfriend.  Coincidence? I think not!


Moral of the story: Don't play ironing beads with a girl you like if you get chronic nosebleeds.  Instead you should probably get a friend of yours to hit on her, then you can "protect" her from him by letting him punch you in the face...and then your nosebleed suddenly becomes a nosebleed of chivalry!