7/15 Friday Friendzone: Flirty Edition

1. Are you a flirt?
Joses: Yes.
Annamelon: So I've been told.  But I'm not really trying.  When I was younger, I think I was just naively over-friendly.  Now, I think I'm just sassy.
Angrygirl: I don't try to be but I think sometimes my friendliness can be interpreted as flirting...
Kim: complicated question, but the simple answer is no.  however, i have been known to flirt a lot with guys i'm dating.  plus those lighthearted, delightful guys for whom flirtation as their way of communicating and who don't put too much stock in it.
Scottyi: Nah, I wouldn't describe myself as flirtatious.  I do like to tease people, though.  I think there's a difference--flirting at its root is complementary to the other person, such as giving someone an excessive amount of attention or laughter--while teasing seems to me to be a nicer way to say something critical.  Of course there's also a difference between teasing someone and being a tease: the latter is definitely a form of flirtation while the former isn't.

2. What is your favorite method of flirtation?
Joses: I will not reveal my secret tricks here. I will say, however, that I believe in leaving the interested party in the D.U.S.T. -> Deliberately Unresolved Sexual Tension.
Annamelon: I don't typically flirt intentionally ... so I donno ... I guess my favorite is the natural, nonchalant way ?!  Or I guess what people usually misinterpret for flirting is when I compliment them for how amazing they are in some way (some skill - like being able to hold a very hot pizza pan w/ bare hands, or some physical aspect - like nice hair, some interest they're pursuing - like how cool DJing is) ... so maybe that's a good one?!
Angrygirl: Teasing/making fun of the person. Actually, I kinda do this to most people. It's funny and it usually gives me a good gauge of someone's personality and whether they can take stuff like that. Sometimes I punch people to show my affection for them. ... :D
Kim: talking... texting... mindgames... feigning anger... playful push... making my adorable innocent faces...
Scottyi: Writing messages to each other.  I guess the easiest way to do this is by text; it can be cute when you're in the same room together and you're trying to keep other people from noticing.  But I also love the physicality of just handing a sheet of paper back and forth with scribbles on it.  I like writing down really corny lines such as... "Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?"  Gets 'em every time! ;p

3. Should flirting be limited to just the people you might have genuine romantic interest in?
Joses: No. Why else do we call it flirting?
Annamelon: Nah, at least not the kind of "flirting" I do.  I think you should definitely flirt with your servers at restaurants.  You'll prolly get better service, and you brighten their day :)  Hm, or maybe the opposite is true ... if you're a server, you should flirt with your customers so that you brighten their day, and get a bigger tip!  But if you're actually flirting in the I-think-you're-super-cute-and-super-amazing-and-totally-want-to-go-on-a-date-with-you way, then yes ... limit it to only the person you actually wanna go on a date with.  Duh.
Angrygirl: I used to think so. However I know someone (cough Miller cough) who flirts with waitresses (AND WAITERS) to get good customer service or discounts. I have begun using this ploy but only in selected circumstances.
Kim: flirting is a continuum - there's a range between friendly and flirty.  i might venture over into the more flirtatious side if the guy i'm talking to also interacts with the opposite sex in a flirty way just for fun.  as long as it's all in good fun and there's no misunderstanding.
Scottyi: Why would you flirt with someone whose affection you don't want?!  This confuses me greatly.  The only answer that comes to mind is if you're someone with low self-esteem and you desperately want people to like you--in which case it begins to make a ton of sense why girls would teach other how to play mind games.  That being said, I think you can have "genuine romantic interest" in a girl you're meeting for the first time and you want to put yourself out there, which leads me to think it's ok to flirt in a social situation where you're trying to make a good first impression.

4. Is there such a thing as over-flirting?
Joses: In theory, no. Because even if your over-flirting makes you look desperate and unattractive to your target, there's a way to turn it around... with some time and patience. In practice, of course, you want to avoid this.
Annamelon: If you're batting your eyelashes and giggling incessantly ... it's too much.  Or if you're complimenting the person and they clearly look uncomfortable and are trying their very best not to run away from you ... yah, it's prolly too much.
Angrygirl: Yeah. Most people feel awesome when someone flirts with them until they discover that the person is a serial flirter. Then it just becomes meaningless, sort of like the boy who cried wolf except less dangerous and sad.
Kim: definitely.  some people are just too obvious.  it's supposed to be subtle.
Scottyi: Emphatically yes.  I've met lots of people who over-flirt because they don't know how naturally flirtatious they actually are--these are usually very friendly / talkative / expressive / bubbly personalities who are only trying to be nice.  Well, to them I say it's your burden to carefully watch yourself and make sure you keep good boundaries with the opposite sex, or else there's a point where you're just trying to be a tease.  I've seen it happen so many times, when someone misreads an over-flirtist's friendliness and ends up getting burned.  Only YOU can prevent flirtist fires.

5. Are there any modes of flirtation that are a dead giveaway that the flirter really likes the flirtee?
Joses: The long-form flirt is such an example.  What is the long-form flirt? Basically, it's a teasing line that builds upon prior context and contact with the flirtee. Example --> Girl: "Hey, Guy, you've got a nice necktie on. Baby blue, my favorite color." Guy: "Thanks, I try to color match my boxers and my ties." Cheeky wink from Guy.
Two days later, Girl saunters up to Guy and asks, "So, were those boxers you were wearing the other day, were they really blue?"
Annamelon: No.  Boys should just come out straight and say what they're thinking, ie: "I think you're great.  Can I take you out to dinner sometime?"  Although, those cheesy pick-up lines are often a good indicator of interest, ie: (looking at your shirt's tag) "Oh, just like I thought ... made in Heaven."  Sadly, I think I could really fall for one of those cheesy pick-up lines.
Angrygirl: Modes of flirtation? What is this, love languages? What matters more is how much attention you're getting relative to others, not what kind of "mode of flirtation" the person is using.
Kim: giggling too much... paying attention only to that one person... acting completely out of character... looking at the person too much...
Scottyi: I have a lady friend who used to tell me all the time about how lonely she gets and how she wants to be in a relationship and how marriage is always on her mind.  I thought this was a signal that she was open to pursuing something, but as it turns out she'd rather be lonely than share my company.  So... if there's any dead giveaways, I certainly wouldn't know what they are!!

About the Panelists: Joses thought you might be trying to catch his eye from across the room. He tweets at www.twitter.com/jacuzzijo. / Annamelon has days where she accepts the fact that she is a shameless flirt.  And other days, she adamantly holds to the belief that she is simply a social, engaging, friendly person. / Angrygirl, in her young childhood days, used to think flirting was a move in hula dancing. / Kim has a huge crush on soterios johnson from npr.  she likes watching ke$ha interviews and action movies.  even her mom asks her for relationship advice, so she must know something. / Scottyi doesn't have any moves.  That's why he's horrible at flirting, basketball, and chess.  This sad creature's website is www.sacredraisincakes.com.